Speaker 1: 0:04

Are you ready to break free from hesitation, self-doubt and isolation? Do you want to lead with confidence, build powerful connections and live boldly? I'm Cory Baum and I'm here to share the most impactful strategies and mindsets that I've learned through coaching, leadership and real-world experience. Together, we'll forge unshakable confidence, master social dynamics and create a life rooted in purpose, brotherhood and bold action. Inside, you'll get the tools and insights to become the strongest, most connected version of yourself. Let's dive in.

Speaker 1: 0:36

Welcome to the Evolve Men podcast. I'm your host, corey Baum. This is where we do the real work of becoming the man that you were made to be. So today, I want to pose this question, which is this what does success actually mean to me? And when I say to me, I don't mean myself, but what does success actually mean to you? And the reason that I bring this up is that we're often handed a map by our parents, by culture, by our teachers, by social media, and it tells us what mountain to climb. Right, it says to go to school, to get the job, to build the life, and we follow it, thinking that it's ours all along. Right, we get up every day, we hit the alarm clock and we march on doing what we do in order to follow that guide. A lot of times, none of us ever really stop to ask ourselves the question as to whether or not I'm climbing the right mountain. Is this even something that I want, or is this the way that I necessarily get there? The reason that I bring this up is because it's something that I've been pondering for myself a lot lately. Since I've started this podcast, I've been, to be completely honest with you guys. I've been scripting more of the episode than I'm really comfortable with, and the more that I've done it along the way, the less that I've felt like I was acting in integrity, that I was really the person that I wanted to become, and it really just comes down to because it was so important to me this entire thing, right To coaching, to conveying my message, to doing all of this Like it's super important to me to to share this and to be successful Right, and it probably gets to that point.

Speaker 1: 2:32

You know the image that I see from my mentors and other people that I follow and coaches and such is that, uh, you know they've been doing it a long time. They, they look great, they've got it all figured out. Their lighting is amazing. You know, and and I had this rule for myself that that was the only way that I could be successful was if I basically had a perfect script that told you exactly. You know exactly what needed to be done in order to navigate life Right. But the reality is, is that I was going to get there if I ever even did and I don't necessarily know that I would have been the type of successful that I wanted to be, the type of successful that is important to me to show my kids Right. I'm not here to necessarily show my kids that I can create this amazing script right Through chat, gbt or whatever. It is right that. I mean, it is still a lot of my story, it's still all of my story, but it's not something authentic that I wrote right.

Speaker 1: 3:38

Success to me is embodying that um, and being a 100% authentic. So, along the way, right after we get this map in the beginning, I feel like a lot of us there's these myths out there in society, right, that the only way, along with myself, that the only way to be successful is to slave away, right? Or to get a certain level of status, or to have the cars or the money or the job or whatever it is, and that, and that more is always better, right, and and that's like that's well, that's how you'll know that you've reached success, right, and and and a lot of the times that comes at the expense of exchanging dollars for time, right, and a lot of the time that means exchanging time with your family in order to get those dollars right, and then looking back later, right, and this is what I think happens for a lot of people is they often look back later and they realize at the end of it, you know that they, that they, that they get to their destination or their goal or the top of that mountain, and they look back and that's not even the mountain that they wanted to climb the entire time. And so what I've really, you know, at the end of this time, that I've started podcasting and man, I tell you the the amount that I've personally gone through, right, I mean, I I can't even tell you, guys how many episodes I've attempted to record even for this one, right, I've hit the record button easily 50 times, right, just because I'm worried about what it, you know, saying exactly what's right, of having it all kind of freshly baked and put together and well thought out, and. But I've had to go back and redefine that for myself, right, and I've come to find that success has to be personal, right? It I can't take the same success from my mentors or my coaches or any of those sort of things, right, because they're pulling on reasons that are personal to them, right, so success is not performative, it's personal, right, and it has to be something that you decide, your reason and your way behind it. All right, and so one of the things that is most important out of this is that we're all going to, at any time in our life, where we're all going to start climbing mountains, right, whether this is the map that you followed when you were given along the way growing up, or or maybe things just changed for you and you started climbing up that mountain, um, only to find that it wasn't the right peak, right.

Speaker 1: 6:30

Something that that I thought of as I was prepping for this was that I do a lot of mountain climbing, or at least I have in the past, right, and you know, and you kind of set off in the beginning and you look up there, you know, or maybe it even starts at home. You've got, you got the guidebook right, and you've, you've got the map and you've taken all of these sort of notes and you've got, you've got the wisdom from the people before you, right, and then you get out there and you're following your map and you're doing these things and, for whatever reason you know you're, you end up there out there without um, a guide, right, let's say that you're climbing up Rainier or anything like that, and you're headed up it, right, and they, they, they have, while you're climbing, what are called false summits, right, and that's where you're going up there and you're looking, and you're looking like, all right, I see the goal, there it is, it's right ahead just a little bit further. And you get up there only to find that just a little bit farther in the distance is what you think is the actual summit, right, and this can happen kind of over and over, right, and until you actually get to the true summit. And the thing is, some of the times that you're on these trips or these journeys, like, you come to realize that, hey, there was two mountains that are right next to each other, and I ended up going up the wrong Valley. I'm on the completely wrong mountain, I'm nowhere, even close, right, and so. So the bravest thing about about this, about this entire thing and this work that we're doing, is that success isn't about just pushing to the summit, right, success is about admitting that, hey, I'm not on the right path, this is not the way that I want to go about it. You know, this is the wrong mountain and choosing to turn around and to reset and reevaluate and start heading back up the mountain again.

Speaker 1: 8:25

So today, I want to ask you these questions for you to reflect on for yourself, and these are some of the questions that I've been asking as I've been going through this as well, and those are what are you trying to prove, right? What is it that that you're hoping to to get out of this? Right, that, if this is your goal and this is success and this is what it looks like like, what are you trying to prove out of that? But you still felt empty, all right. So for me, that was something, honestly, that I was doing this, I was showing up, I was creating podcasts and I'm doing this whole thing, but I'm not getting to the level of embodiment that I want to, right, I want to be able to stand up here and put aside my fears and my perfectionism and just to be able to speak authentically about what it is that I'm passionate about, about doing this work, about doing my growth, about the contribution that I'm making with my kids and to everybody else, right? And finally, the last question is what does success feel like to you and your body? Right, and so it's actually taking that time to stop and to think about it.

Speaker 1: 9:48

And embodiment, right. Does this success that I'm chasing, does it bring me stress? Does it bring me anxiety or depression or these things, or does it brighten me up? Does it liven me? Right? Does it put a smile on my face? Does it bring joy to me and to the people around me? Right? So, when you start to define success, for me, I found that I I've got to define success from the inside out, right, and for me that that that means a place of peace and alignment, you know, and I've talked a little bit about embodiment, like really knowing down in my soul that this is who I am and I'm being the most authentic version of myself along the way.

Speaker 1: 10:36

And then also presence and, most of all, integrity, right, I don't, I've, I have gotten to the place in my life now where integrity is one of my top core values, right, like I don't want to do anything that takes me away from acting with integrity. Right, and some might say that reading from a script isn't necessarily acting, apart from integrity, but it was getting to the place or to the point for me that it it wasn't. It wasn't the way that I wanted to do it, it wasn't the way that I wanted to embody it, and so success for me was acting and integrity. And it doesn't have to be integrity Like you know oh, I stole, you know, a candy from the store or anything like that Like integrity can also be just integrity to myself. That wasn't something that I wanted to do, that wasn't who I wanted to be.

Speaker 1: 11:33

So, for me, my definition now of success has really evolved and it's no longer as I'm standing here today right, it's not about perfection. Right, like I, and it's going to be something that I continually work on. Right, that I just showing up as a hundred percent who I am. Right. And it's not about the hustle. Right, it's not about being impressive, right, what it is about for me is about acting and living in integrity. It's about leading my family and my boys with the presence and authenticity that that that I want to. That really means something to me. It's about creating freedom without losing my soul, right.

Speaker 1: 12:27

So I want to be able to create content and material and convey my message right, but I don't want to do that at the expense of losing who. It is that I am right. And if that means that I'm quirky I say things a lot of times, you know, I use ums or this or that or whatever it is then I want to work on that. And if that means that I need to practice more I need to, you know, go to Toastmasters or whatever I need to do, or I just need to have the reps and do it more often then that's what I need to do, and that, for me, is success, right, and it's also choosing depth and truth and love and just being a hundred percent honest with who I am and putting that out there. So, so I want to give to you this what I would call like a success alignment practice, this sort of bit that I've kind of been going through over and over, and this isn't something that's a one and done sort of thing, like I didn't, I didn't go through these steps and then I'm like, okay, this is success. I know exactly where I needed to go.

Speaker 1: 13:39

Like, this is an iterative process that, and you know, even even for me, in doing this, even over the last, this is what I think. This will be episode eight. Right, I've come closer and farther, or back and forth, you know, or as my friend would say, kind of swung the pendulum from one side to the other of how I do this, that I've swung to fully kind of scripting the episodes. Then I've swung the other way of of kind of doing it freely, right, and and I'm still, I know that I'm still in this process. And so, as I, as I look at what success means to me, it's it's an iterative process and it's things that you're going to go through over and over again, but it it can be a North star that you come back to and and a way to kind of evaluate yourself and whether or not you're still climbing the right mountain, that you're still on track, right, and so this is what it is.

Speaker 1: 14:32

So it's a simple, right, but powerful self-check, and the the first thing is to to list three to five success values, right? Some of the ones that you've heard me mention today is integrity, right, integrity is super important to me. I wanna, in order for me to be successful, I need to be acting in integrity, right? Some of the other ones for me connection community, things like that. So list three to five of your success values. What is that? And it's different for everybody, but what does that look like for you?

Speaker 1: 15:14

At rate, your current alignment, right, with 10 being like I am 100% aligned with that value, right, and one being I'm not even anywhere on the map, right, and then getting up every day, or even doing it multiple times a day, and choose one step in order to raise that score, right? How am I, you know, as kind of an example, right? If we talk about the guy that works 80 hours a week, right, and he's not, he's not at home with his family, right, but yet he would say that one of his values for success is, you know, having a happy family at home. Okay, well, let's take a look at that. Like, can you work both 80 hours a week and have a happy family at home? And if you are, then fantastic, right.

Speaker 1: 16:01

But with the second question, are you how close? If you were to rate your current alignment, what would that be right? Would it be a 10? And if it wouldn't be, what can you do in order to make one step closer to making that be a 10 this week or this day or whatever it is and, as I say a lot in all of the other stuff that I do and in coaching and whatnot is that it's not about. It's obviously not about perfection, right, it's about momentum and it's about movement. It's about taking one step closer. So this isn't about like throw everything out and start over, right, it's about. It's about embodying these changes, understanding why it is that they're important to you and then integrating them into your life. So small, subtle, consistent changes, so kind of to that point.

Speaker 1: 16:59

Right, I mean, I know that a number of you guys are going to be stuck in like this survival mode. Right, I've been living this story, I've been striving for it my entire life. Like, this is the only thing that I know, right, and you're telling me now that there's a chance or a possibility that I could be climbing the entirely wrong mountain or, you know, maybe you've done the work. You started to ask yourself, I, and you found, like I am, I am so far off, but kind of going back to the guy that works 80 hours a week, right, you have to stop and ask yourself if, if the cost of your success is too high, right, are you going to be the guy that? Yeah, sure you, you got to, you know the, the money and the fame and the possessions and things like that, but you look back at the end of it and you've got no family and your kids hate you and you've got no friends and any of these are, you know. And it doesn't have to be that drastic, but it could be as simple as, like, you don't have a social life, you don't have any friends to actually hang out with or any of that Like. So what is the cost of your quote success at the end of all of that, right and? And is it costing your health and your peace and your relationships? And if that's the case, like, I'm sorry, but that's not success, right and? And I encourage you to redefine that for yourself before it's too late, before you can't take some of those sort of things back.

Speaker 1: 18:34

So one of the questions that really cut through everything for me was this, and the question was is what I still want this life if nobody else saw it, right? So if I, if I sat here and I necessarily recorded every single episode, right, and I scripted everything out and I recorded it and it was on like my fine, my family album sort of thing, if I was writing a documentary to my kids or whatever it is, and I scripted it all out and it was polished and it was perfect. Is that really what I would want? Right, if, if nobody else was to ever see that? Is that? Is that what I want? Is that what I would be proud of? And and so, as you're going through this for for yourself, right If, if nobody ever saw the, the, you know, the possessions and the money and and any of that other sort of stuff, like, would you still want it? Would you still do it?

Speaker 1: 19:34

And for me, that's my compass, right? That's how I know. You know, along with my core values and such, that I'm, I'm headed in the right direction, that I'm, I'm alive, and not just, I'm not just taking that map. Going back to that, somebody else had kind of given me that I'm, I'm drawing my own map, I'm making my own decisions and what feels right to me. So, to kind of start wrapping this up and put a bow on it, you only get one life right.

Speaker 1: 20:07

And don't, don't perform, don't chase the applause. Define your success your way right, based on your values, on your life, on your upbringing and your childhood, like what really matters to you, and then build your life based around that and live it and refine it and keep doing it again. Like I said, it's an iterative process. Keep doing this over and over until until you love it. All right, guys, I appreciate you spending this time with me. This is what I've got for this episode. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of the Evolve Men podcast. If today's episode challenged you, inspired you or gave you something to think about, don't stop here. Keep building, keep evolving. Head over to wwwevolvemenprojectcom, where you'll find free resources on confidence, leadership, relationships, communication and personal power Everything you need to start applying what you've learned here and take your growth to the next level. The tools are there. The next move is yours. Until the next time, men, stay strong, lead powerfully and live boldly.