Speaker 1: 0:00

You're listening to the Evolve Men Podcast, episode number nine. Are you ready to break free from hesitation, self-doubt and isolation? Do you want to lead with confidence, build powerful connections and live boldly? I'm Cory Baum and I'm here to share the most impactful strategies and mindsets that I've learned through coaching, leadership and real-world experience. Together, we'll forge unshakable confidence, master social dynamics and create a life rooted in purpose, brotherhood and bold action. Inside you'll get the tools and insights to become the strongest, most connected version of yourself. Let's dive in.

Speaker 1: 0:41

So not too long ago I think it was a Monday morning, I think I opened up my calendar and I just kind of stared at it. It was packed I mean completely packed with stuff that I'd said yes to, to workout plans, to coffee meetups, little projects that I told people I'd follow up on, and I just knew that there's no way that I'm actually going to complete all of this. I'm that I'm not going to actually get all of these things done Right. And it wasn't just some rare crazy week. This was, this was normal, right. This is how I'd been operating. Just this quiet, automatic habit of saying yes when what I really wanted to say was no. Automatic habit of saying yes when what I really wanted to say was no, because avoiding that awkward moment of letting someone down felt easier than dealing with the fact that I was constantly letting myself down. Right, and at first I thought that maybe I just needed to organize better, I needed to get better systems to tighten things up, right. But the more that I looked at it, the more that I realized, no, that this was deeper, that I was saying yes to stuff that didn't line up with who I actually wanted to be. You know, I wasn't just too busy, I was out of alignment, I was out of integrity with myself, and what really hit me was this was that every time that I said yes to something that I didn't want to do, I was reinforcing this version of myself that I didn't even like the guy who bails, the guy who says something, the guy who says that he'll do something and doesn't right, the guy who looks good on the outside but doesn't back it up. Right, and even though nobody else necessarily saw this or noticed it, I did right and that kind of self-betrayal it stings quietly over and over. That calendar didn't just show me my schedule. It showed me how much of myself that I was giving away to other people, and it made me ask a hard question what am I tolerating right now? That's shaping who I'm becoming. Tolerating right now, that's shaping who I'm becoming Because, honestly, it's not the big, dramatic sort of moments that shape us the most, it's the little stuff, it's the stuff that we let slide.

Speaker 1: 3:17

So today I want to talk about something that we don't usually pay much attention to, and that's what you're tolerating. Not just the big, like obvious stuff, like toxic relationships or jobs that drain your soul. I mean, those matter, sure, but I'm talking about the smaller stuff, the little habits, the half-hearted commitments, the stuff that quietly wears you down, the things that you've said yes to without really meaning to right, or the things that you've just started dealing with because it's easier than making a change. And you might tell yourself that you're just you know, I'm just being chill or I'm adaptable, right, or that you're strong for handling it. But here's the thing Tolerating stuff that's out of alignment isn't strength, it's quiet surrender. Every time you stay quiet when something doesn't sit right, every time you downplay your needs or just suck it up to keep the peace, what you're actually doing is sending a message to yourself. You're reinforcing a version of you that you might not even like. And the more that you do it, the more that it becomes your normal. Then your normal becomes your identity and eventually that identity becomes who you think you are. So if you feel like you're stuck or you're drained or resentful or just kind of like off, it might not be because you're unmotivated or undisciplined. It might just be that you've made too many of these quiet agreements with yourself to tolerate a life that doesn't fully fit.

Speaker 1: 5:12

And the moment that you start getting honest about what you've been putting up with, that's when things start to shift. That's when you begin to lead yourself differently, and it's an agreement problem. And the moment that you get honest with what you've been tolerating, that's the moment that you take your power back. So where do we start with all of this of this right? Let's break it down a little bit, because what we're talking about here isn't just about feeling overwhelmed or spread too thin. It's about the deeper patterns underneath that right. So there's five big shifts that I want to walk you through today, and each one is a lens that you can use to look at what you're tolerating and look at how that's shaping your life. Think of these as leadership sort of checkpoints, places where you can either give your power away or you can take it back. So here's the first one, and it's a big one.

Speaker 1: 6:23

I call it the silent agreement trap. So here's the first one, and it's a big one. I call it the silent agreement trap. Most of us are walking around with these silent agreements that we never consciously made. You don't sit down and say, well, if I just stay easygoing, people will like me more. You didn't sign a contract that said. You know, I'd rather disappoint myself than disappoint someone else, right? But somehow that's what's happening, right? And the truth is, when you don't say anything, when you don't speak up or make a different choice, you're actually saying something right. Your silence is an agreement.

Speaker 1: 7:06

Every time that you tolerate a dynamic, a situation, a habit, a pattern that just feels off, what you're basically saying to yourself is that ah, this is fine, like how I feel doesn't matter what, what I think doesn't matter. And when, when you do that over and over, that becomes your normal, the people around you start expecting it. You start expecting it and pretty soon it feels like this is just how things are. But here's the shift. Start paying attention to where your silence is making decisions for you and that's the spot where your energy is leaking. That's where you're out of alignment and that's the place that you can start taking yourself back.

Speaker 1: 8:04

So the second one is how tolerations, equal identity, votes. Every time that you let something slide that doesn't sit right with you. It's like showing up at the ballot box and casting a vote. Right, not with words, right, but with your actions. If you let people interrupt you constantly, that's a vote, for what I say doesn't matter, right. If your morning routine leaves you feeling scattered and drained, that's another vote, for I don't prioritize myself. Right? If you keep saying yes to every invite, favor or request, those are all votes that your time belongs to other people. Right, your identity is being shaped, one quiet decision at a time. The good news is that you don't have to blow up your life to shift this right. You just have to start right, start changing what you allow, because every time that you tighten your standards just a little bit, right, you're shifting the version of you that gets built. Right, you're building a man who leads himself.

Speaker 1: 9:17

The third core shift is you're not lazy, you're just out of alignment. Right, and this one hits home for a lot of the guys that I talk to, if you ever feel tired all the time, right, not physically tired from a workout, but like mentally foggy, emotionally drained, right, stuck in a rut that you can't quite shake, and that's not laziness, that's misalignment. You've been carrying too many things that you never really wanted to carry or signed up for, right, trying to hold these old agreements, these old rules, old expectations that don't fit anymore, and managing all of that it's exhausting, right. It's like trying to run with a weighted vest on but you can't see the weight. Right. So you start thinking that maybe something is just wrong with you. But what if it's not you, right? What if it's the agreements that you've made? What if your energy isn't low because you're unmotivated, but because you're drained from tolerating a version of life that isn't really yours, right, that's something worth sitting with. It isn't really yours, right, that's something worth sitting with.

Speaker 1: 10:43

The fourth shift is small no's equal big self-leadership. You know, we tend to think that leadership has to be, that it has to be loud, it has to be bold and brandish right, and that it has to come with some big announcement or dramatic life change right. But real leadership, real self-leadership, starts quietly. It starts with the small, honest no's right. So no, I'm not taking that call today. No, I'm not over-committing myself again. No, I'm not over committing myself again. No, I'm not available for this type of dynamic anymore, even if I used to be right. These don't have to be confrontational, they don't even have to be explained, but they do need to be consistent, because they're not just about setting boundaries with the world. They're about building a new standard with yourself, and that's where respect starts, not from others, but from you. So, yeah, this isn't about overhauling your life overnight, right, it's about starting small, choosing differently, tightening your boundaries one moment at a time. But before you jump back into your day, I want to slow things down for a minute, because awareness is one thing, but honest reflection that's where the shift truly begins.

Speaker 1: 12:16

This next part of the episode it's for you Not to just hear but to feel into. These aren't just throwaway journal prompts. These are real invitations to check in with yourself and to lead from truth. So if you're somewhere quiet, then great, take a breath, and if you've got your journal, even better. So here are a few questions to sit with.

Speaker 1: 12:44

The first one is what am I tolerating right now that my future self wouldn't be okay with. And not just the big obvious stuff, right. And not just the big obvious stuff, right. Look at the small daily things that quietly wear you down. The second question is what's one thing on my calendar this week that I already know that I'm not going to follow through on? What did I say yes to? And what would it look like to be honest or to renegotiate it? Right, because this doesn't have to just be X-ing everything out. I mean, being honest can be reaching back out and say you know, I know that I said that this works for me, but it doesn't. Is there another time that we can do this Right?

Speaker 1: 13:33

The third question is where am I brushing something off? Like it's not a big deal, but deep down, you know that it is. And what's it costing me, even if no one else notices? The fourth question is who am I becoming through what I keep tolerating? And I want you to be real here. This is is that version of you something that you actually like and respect? And the fifth question is what's one thing that I'm done tolerating, starting today, and it doesn't have to be loud, just true. And I want you to let these questions land you back to your center, and not into guilt, right, not into overwhelm or into shame, right, but just into clarity, because clarity that's the beginning of power and the man that you're becoming, right. He leads from truth, not from toleration, all right. So let's get real here for a second right Tolerating stuff that drains you, that's not strength, as I said earlier, that's surrender right.

Speaker 1: 14:49

It's handing over your power slowly, subtly right, without even realizing it. And most guys don't even see it happening, because we've been trained to carry it all, to manage, to perform, to keep it together, to hold the line for everyone else, and somewhere in that we lost touch with what we need, with what self-respect even feels like. But that can shift right now, because here's the truth you are always building your identity. Every time that you say yes to something that feels off, every time that you stay quiet when something crosses the line, every time that you bend your boundaries to avoid tension, you're shaping the man that you're becoming. But you're also allowed to rewrite that story, and it doesn't have to start with blowing up your life. It starts with one simple move. Pick just one thing, one thing that you're done tolerating and that old agreement. Break it right or, better yet, rewrite it right. Decide what you're available for instead, because the moment that you stop putting up with what drains you, that's the moment that you start leading yourself, and that's what strength actually looks like.

Speaker 1: 16:15

Not grinding through more right, but choosing to be better. If this episode spoke to you, if you're realizing like, wow, I've been tolerating way too much in my life and you're ready to step into to more confidence, more freedom and just more ownership overall on your life, then then I want you to take the next step right. Head over to evolvedmenprojectcom and book a free discovery call with me. We'll have a, a real conversation. No pressure, no sales pitch, just an honest look at what's going on in your world and where you might be holding back and how you can start showing up with more courage and more clarity. You'll also find there a free, powerful resource called A Man's Guide to Self-Leadership. It's a great starting point if you're ready to stop tolerating and start leading your life with boldness and purpose, because this isn't about being perfect. It's about getting real, taking ownership and deciding that this ends. Now I'm no longer available for this, so go check it out, take action.

Speaker 1: 17:37

Here's what I want you to remember at the end of this episode, no matter what right, that your life is shaped just by what you do right. And every time that you choose to stop tolerating something that drains you, you reclaim a piece of your strength. And this work doesn't require perfection. It requires honesty, right and the courage to make one better choice today than you did yesterday. And you don't have to have it all figured out. Just start with one new agreement and honor it right, live by it right and and walk every day like you mean it. I'll check you out on the next episode, leave a five-star review, follow the show and send it to a man who, who needs to hear it, because that's how we grow this mission, one brother at a time. I'll see you next time. On confidence, leadership, relationships, communication and personal power Everything you need to start applying what you've learned here and take your growth to the next level. The tools are there. The next move is yours. Until the next time, men, stay strong, lead powerfully and live boldly.