Speaker 1: 0:00

You're listening to the Evolved Men Podcast, episode number 17. A lot of men pride themselves on being low-maintenance they don't ask for too much, they keep to themselves and they handle their own problems and never make a fuss. But here's the truth. What if we often call low-maintenance is actually something else entirely Emotional disconnection. It's shutting down your needs, because somewhere along the line you learn that having needs made you weak or a burden or too much to handle, and while it might feel like strength, it's actually costing you connection to yourself, to your relationships and to your leadership. Today, we're going to pull that apart, reconnect you to what you actually need and talk about why owning it might be the most courageous thing that you'll do this year.

Speaker 1: 0:57

I'm Corey Baum, founder of the Evolved Men Project and this podcast. I help men lead themselves boldly, build real confidence and live with purpose. This podcast isn't about wearing a mask or playing the strong, silent role just because that's what you think leadership looks like. It's about being fully connected to yourself and to the people around you and to what matters most, because the kind of man who knows what he needs, owns it and acts on it is the kind of man who actually makes an impact. What's up, man?

Speaker 1: 1:38

So for a long time I would have described myself as low maintenance. I didn't ask for much, I didn't want to be a burden. It was something you know. If there was something that was bothering me, I'd I'd keep it to myself and just figure it out on my own, and it sounded like independence, right. But in reality it was. It was disconnection. I remember times in relationships where I convinced myself that I didn't need anything, right, whether it was more time together or more clarity, more affection, because asking felt risky, right, what if it made me seem needy? What if it caused conflict? And so I'd keep quiet and tell myself that I was fine, right, and that I would just power through. But the truth is is that I wasn't just fine right, I was just disconnected from my own needs. And that disconnection cost me. It made me harder to connect with, even for the people that were closest to me, and it left me feeling unseen, not because others didn't care, but because I never gave them a chance to actually show up for me. And it wasn't in just relationships, right, even in friendships or in leadership roles, I'd avoid asking for help or sharing what it was that I needed to be my best. I even thought, that being that I was like being easygoing, but in reality I was just making myself smaller. So it took me a long time to really realize that strength isn't about needing nothing, that it's about being honest enough to admit what you need and courageous enough to ask for it.

Speaker 1: 3:37

So today's episode is about breaking one of the most celebrated myths in masculinity, and that's that being low maintenance is a strength. Because the truth is, if you've trained yourself to need nothing, then you've also trained yourself to disconnect from your emotions, from your relationships and from your own truth. And you can't lead yourself or your family, or anyone else for that matter, from a place of disconnection, because when you ignore your needs long enough, a few things start to happen you stop noticing them altogether. You start feeling restless and resentful or checked out, without even knowing why the people around you can't give you what you need because you never actually tell them what it is that you need. And this isn't just about relationships, right? This is about life. If you're unwilling to own what it is that you need, then you're going to keep living on like this half power all throughout your life, waiting for people to read your mind or hoping that being easy will somehow get you where you want to go. So the real strength is staying connected to your needs, to your boundaries and to your values and then having the courage to act on them. That's where leadership starts.

Speaker 1: 5:12

So somewhere along the way, a lot of us learn that having needs made us weak. Right, we picked up the message, either directly or indirectly, that a real man should be able to handle everything on his own right, and for some of us it came from our family. Maybe every time that you brought something up that was bothering you, you got hit with well, don't be so sensitive. Or maybe you learned that early on that other people's needs took priority over your own. So you figured out how to disappear into the background to avoid causing any trouble. Others learned it in, you know, maybe sports or the military, or in your workplace. Or in your workplace you got the message that showing that you were tired or confused or overwhelmed meant that you couldn't hack it. So if you kept your mouth shut and just swallowed the frustration and told yourself that you were fine, and over the years that pattern became part of your identity, that I'm just low maintenance, I don't need much. I just roll with it.

Speaker 1: 6:30

And on the surface it can even look like a strength, calm and self-sufficient, unshakable, and people will admire that because you're easy to be around. But here's the truth when you disconnect from your own needs, you disconnect from yourself, and when you disconnect from yourself, you can't fully connect with anyone else Not your partner, not your friends, not your kids and definitely not the men that you're trying to lead. So it starts showing up in subtle ways. Right, you tell yourself that you're fine when you're not. You agree to plans that you don't want to be a part of because it feels easier than saying no. You avoid conversations that you'd have to admit that you want more. Right, from a relationship, from your work, from yourself. Maybe you go without things that would make your life better Rest or clarity, you know. Challenge, whatever it might be, because asking feels like too much and the cost.

Speaker 1: 7:41

Over time, you lose touch with what you actually want. You start living in a kind of emotional gray zone. Right, not angry, not devastated, just doled out. Right, you stop actually feeling truly alive, and I've seen this in my own life. Right, there were times that I thought that I was just easygoing. Right, but what I was really doing was shrinking, right, whether it was in relationships, right, I wouldn't bring up that I needed more time together or more clarity about around where we stood In leadership situations. I wouldn't ask for help or set boundaries, I just I try to handle it all quietly, right. And the irony is is that people can't meet needs that you never share. So the shift starts with something simple, but not always easy, and that's admitted, right.

Speaker 1: 8:38

First, to yourself what you actually need, and not in like a dramatic flip the table over sort of way, not with like a laundry list of demands, but just in a grounded, honest check-in, right, actually asking yourself hey, do I need more time alone to recharge? Right, more space to maybe create more connection with my partner? Do I need a clear expectations in a friendship or a work? Right, do I need to feel more respected, more challenged or more value? Because when you name it, something changes and you stop playing in defense of your own life, right, you stop silently hoping that other people will read your mind and you start taking responsibility for your own alignment. And, yeah, sure, I get it.

Speaker 1: 9:39

It's uncomfortable at first, right, Especially when you've worn this low maintenance like a badge of honor for years. It might feel selfish, right, it might feel like you're asking for too much, but here's the truth this isn't neediness, this is leadership, because the man who can own his truth, who can voice it clearly and stand by it, is the man that people can trust. And when you start living from that place, right, you notice something surprising that the people who truly value you don't resent it right, they're actually grateful for it, because now they can actually see you, they know how to support you. Right, and they can trust that when you say like, oh man, I'm, I'm good, I'm doing good, right, that you actually mean it. And when you say something on the other side of that, when you say like, hey, man, I, I need something, they know that it's real. And that's not being high maintenance, that's being connected, and connected men change things, starting with themselves. So let's slow this down for a minute and turn the mirror back towards yourself. If you've worn this low-maintenance sort of thing as a part of your identity, I want you to ask yourself when was the last time that I clearly expressed something that I needed, not hinted at it, not hoped that someone would pick up on the signs, but actually said it out loud Think about the different areas of your life, in your relationships, right, are you getting the time, the intimacy, the clarity that you want?

Speaker 1: 11:33

Or have you been quietly settling because you don't want to be too much, right? So in your friendships, are there things that you wish that you did together? Maybe there were topics that you wish that you could talk about, support that you wish that you had, and if so, why haven't you asked In your work do you have what you feel like you need to thrive, the resources, the feedback, the room to grow, or are you telling yourself to just be grateful and make do? Now here's the harder question what's the cost of not voicing those needs? Because every time that you swallow them, you're teaching yourself two things. One, you're teaching yourself that your needs don't matter, and number two is that it's easier to stay disconnected than to risk being seen, right.

Speaker 1: 12:38

So I want you to picture one need, just one, that you've been going without. Maybe it's more rest, maybe it's more creative time, maybe it's more clarity in a relationship, right? Whatever it is, I want you to name it out loud, or in a journal, or someone that you trust. And, when you do, notice what happens inside of you, because even before anything changes on the outside, something shifts internally. You've stopped pretending that you don't need anything and you've started stepping back into a connection with yourself. So here's the reframe You've been told that needing nothing is a strength, but the reality is it's not that.

Speaker 1: 13:32

It's survival. Real strength is about being connected enough to know what you need and courageous enough to own it. Because when you hide your needs, to own it. Because when you hide your needs, you shrink, but when you own them, you lead. So here's your challenge for the week I want you to pick one thing, just one, that you've been quietly going without, and I want you to name it and then share it with someone who can actually help you get it met.

Speaker 1: 14:07

And that might mean asking your partner for more quality time. That might mean telling a friend that you'd like to see them more often. It might mean telling your team that you need more clarity before you move forward. You don't need to justify it right. That's the thing. You don't need to over-explain. You simply need to own it, because every time that you do, you're sending a message back to yourself that I'm a man whose needs matter. I'm a man who leads from connection, not from disconnection, not from disconnection.

Speaker 1: 14:51

So if this episode hit home, if you've been wearing this low maintenance mask right like a badge of honor, but realizing that it's been keeping you disconnected, this is exactly the kind of work that I do with men every day. Right, we strip away the old conditioning, we reconnect you to what you truly need and we help you build the courage and skill to voice it, without feeling guilty or selfish or that you're asking for too much. If you're ready to make that shift, book a free discovery call with me at EvolveMenProjectcom all of men projectcom no pressure, just a real conversation about where you're at and what's what's been holding you back and how to start showing up more connected in every area of your life. And if this episode gave you something to think about, share it with a friend right, Follow the show, leave a five-star review and let's keep spreading this message to more men who are ready to lead from connection, not disconnection. So here's what I want you to remember Needing nothing doesn't make you stronger, it makes you invisible, and that's sometimes even to yourself, and that's sometimes even to yourself.

Speaker 1: 16:05

When you stay disconnected from your own needs, you cut off the very fuel that makes you a better partner or father or a friend and a leader. But when you have the courage to name those needs, you stop living on half power right. You become a man who shows up, fully present and grounded and worth following. So this week, stop pretending that you don't need anything and pick one thing and own it and watch how it changes you, not just the way that you feel, but the way that you lead.

Speaker 1: 16:44

Thanks for listening to the Evolve Men podcast. Lead with connection, lead with courage and I'll see you next time. Hey, before you go, this podcast is just the surface. The real work happens inside the Evolve Men Brotherhood. This is our private community of men committed to leading themselves boldly, building confidence and sharpening one another in the fire. Registration officially opens December 1st and we kick off our Brotherhood calls together, beginning in January 2026. But you can get on the list today and be the first to claim your spot If you're tired of going to life alone and you're ready for true accountability, support and connection with men who get it head to evolvemenprojectcom. Slash brotherhood. Don't just listen. Step into the brotherhood. I'll see you inside.