SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Are you ready to break free from hesitation, self-doubt, and isolation? Do you want to lead with confidence, build powerful connections, and live boldly? I'm Corey Baum, and I'm here to share the most impactful strategies and mindsets that I've learned through coaching, leadership, and real-world experience. Together we'll forge unshakable confidence, master social dynamics, and create a life rooted in purpose, brotherhood, and bold action. Inside, you'll get the tools and insights to become the strongest, most connected version of yourself. Let's dive in. So, you know, for me, this this whole thing about speaking up isn't just an idea. It's it's been my life, right? It's it's a pattern that I've wrestled with for years. I didn't start with some like big dramatic moment where I thought that, you know, if I if I said anything, I'll lose everything. It was smaller than that. It was it was the little stuff. It was the micro moments of swallowing my words or telling myself that it's not worth it, right? To just let it go. And at first, for me, you know, it felt harmless, right? You avoid a little disagreement, you you skip saying what it is that you need just to smooth something over. But but what I didn't realize along the way was that every single one of those moments was like I was casting a vote against myself, right? A vote that said that that my opinion didn't matter, right? That it was better for me to just stay quiet and disappear. And the thing is that those tiny votes they had up over time. And so in my marriage, it it built slowly, right? At first, it was it was just the small things. It was it was a preference about how we spent money or a concern about our schedules, right? Or a thought about how we were raising the kids, right? Things that felt like yeah, you know, it's it's not a big deal. But over time, those little silences turned into this story in my head that that man, if I, if I say anything, like everything could really blow up.

unknown: 2:23

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 2:23

And that's the crazy part, is that that story wasn't true in the beginning, right? But because I I kept reinforcing it, it grew until even the small things felt catastrophic for me to bring up. You know, on on the outside, right, I wore this mask, right? I looked steady, I told myself that I was keeping the peace, but underneath it, it felt like I was hauling around this this invisible backpack full of unspoken words, right? And every time that I stayed silent, another rock went into the bag, another rock of resentment, another rock of self-doubt until you know, over time, like it was crushing. And here's the thing my my wife at the time, she didn't sign up for that shit, right? She had no idea that I was carrying it all. All she was, all she saw was me being agreeable, right? She didn't know what was going on inside my head, but I did. Right. And and the turning point for me has been learning the contrast, right? That the times since then when I did speak up, where I said, like, no, man, this this doesn't work for me, right? Or here's what I really want. Even when it was awkward, even when my my voice shook, every single time that I walked away, lighter, more confident, more in alignment with myself. And the biggest surprise is that people respected it. You know, people might not have necessarily agreed, but they still respected it. And it was almost never the disaster that I had built up in my head. Most of the time it was just a conversation, sometimes even a short one, right? And often the other person actually appreciated it. Speaking up, even in small ways, has been like slowly emptying that backpack for me, taking the rocks out one by one, right? And and what that unlocked for me is a sense of self-trust, right? This deep knowing that I can walk into any situation because I can say no if I need to. And that's freedom, right? And it changes how people experience me too. Because now, when I show up, they know that I'm there because I want to be, not because I'm silently carrying resentment, right? They know that they're getting the real me. All right. So today we're talking about speaking your truth, even when it's uncomfortable. Because every time that you hold back, you chip away at your own self-trust. But every time that you speak up, even if it's messy, you prove to yourself that you can lead yourself. So let's dig into why men stay silent. Because this isn't just about it's not just about me, right? It's a pattern that I see in almost every man that I talk to. The first battle is the is the fear of rejection, right? It's that little voice that says, man, if I if I speak up, I'm gonna lose something, right? And and at first, it's not necessarily that heavy. Maybe it's about where you want to eat or how you feel about plans this weekend, right? And you think like, ah, you know, it's it's just not worth it. But the thing is that every time that you swallow it, your brain learns it's like, see, I told you, man, staying staying quiet keeps me safe, right? And then and those little choices add up over time. And even the smallest conversations feel like they'll cost you everything. The the second thing is the the fear of rocking the boat. Right. We we tell ourselves that it's easier to keep the peace. But the truth is that silence doesn't actually create peace. It just avoids the discomfort, right? It keeps things calm on the surface while underneath, right, the the resentment and the frustration, they just keep piling up. So what you're really doing is trading short-term comfort for this this like long-term pain. And then there's the identity trap, right? So many of us get locked into being the easy-going guy, right? I know that I did for years, the guy who who never causes any problems, and and people compliment us for that, right? I man, Corey, he's he's so steady, he's easy to get along with, and and sure, that feels good, but it becomes this box that you can't get out of eventually, right? Because now speaking up feels like like you're breaking character, right? Like you're betraying who everybody knows that you're supposed to be. So those are the battles, right? And they're they're internal, they're no one else sees them, but they shape everything. And here's the truth that silence has a cost. And every time that you stay quiet, you're carrying another rock in that invisible backpack, another unspoken word, another piece of yourself gets pushed down. That's resentment, right? And it gets heavy over time. So silence also numbs you. And after a while, you don't you don't even know what you want anymore. You've trained yourself so well to ignore your voice that it barely even shows up. And the biggest cost, right, is is that silence weakens your self-leadership. Because how can you lead your family, your friends, your kids, your team if you can't even lead yourself into an honest five-minute conversation? So let's flip this around a little bit, right? Expression isn't drama, it's leadership. When you speak up, you're leading yourself. You're saying, Man, I I matter enough to have a voice, and that's self-leadership. When you speak up with a partner, you're leading them too because you're showing them who you really are instead of making them guess. You're inviting them into a real relationship, not just a performance. When you speak up with your kids, you're you're modeling something that they desperately need to see. You're showing them that being a man doesn't mean being silent or swallowing your truth. It means having the courage to use your voice in a grounded way. Right. And when you speak up with friends or at work, right, you're stepping into influence because people respect someone who will actually take a stand, even if it's uncomfortable. Right? Nobody trusts the guy who always nods along, but people respect the guy who's clear about where he stands. And the alternative here is taking the back seat, right? It's handing the wheel of your life to someone else. Because silence isn't strength, right? Silence is surrender. And here's what's wild, right? Is that you don't have to do it perfectly, right? You don't have to have the best words or the smoothest delivery. Even fumbling through it builds more trust than saying nothing at all. Because silence is self-betrayal, but speaking even imperfectly is alignment. So so much of this comes down to the stories that we tell ourselves, right? We think that, man, if I just say this, it'll ruin everything, right? Or or we believe that that this is just how I'm supposed to be, right? I'm the easy-going guy. But when you zoom out, you can see that it's it's not really the situation itself that's keeping you quiet. It's the story that you've attached to. Right. And those stories, they're not the truth, right? They're just thoughts that you've repeated enough times to believe. Right. When you start to see that, then the grip starts to loosen, right? And you realize that, man, I don't, I don't have to keep following that script. I can actually, I can actually choose a different one. Right. And that's the reframe that speaking up isn't risky, right? It's really the safest move that you can make because it builds trust in yourself. And trust is what is what the people around you, right? That's that's leadership and action. All right, so let's make this real, guys. I want you to take a second right now and to think about what's the thing that you've been holding back? Maybe it's a boundary that you haven't set. Maybe it's a truth that you've swallowed. Maybe it's something that you've rehearsed in your head a dozen times, but neck never actually said it out loud. All right, if you got it, I want you to hold on to that for a minute. All right, now here's what I want you to notice. What's the story that you're telling yourself about why you can't say it? Maybe it's if I bring this up, she'll leave, right? Or if I say this, he won't respect me. Or maybe it's softer, like, uh, you know, it's just not worth the fight. I'll just let it go. And really listen to that voice. Because here's the truth those thoughts aren't facts. Sure, they feel heavy, right? They feel real, but they're not truth. They're just stories that your brain has been rehearsing for years. So imagine pausing right there, right? Before you react, before you swallow it down again, just pause. Right, and take inventory and ask yourself, what's what's actually happening in this moment? What's real? And what's a story that I've built up in my head? Because nine times out of ten, the reality is a lot smaller than the story. Now here's the second step. Imagine that you said that you said it, right? Not perfectly, not with the right tone, not with a clean, polished speech, but just honestly. What would shift? Would the world end? Probably not. Would the other person suddenly hate you? I doubt it. Most likely it's just a conversation. And even if it's awkward, even if your voice shakes, right, you walk away lighter. You walk away with more trust in yourself. So picture that. You actually saying it. Feel the difference in your body, the relief of putting down that backpack that you've been carrying. And then ask yourself who would I be if I stopped outsourcing my power to fear? Who would I be if I started trusting my voice instead of silencing it? And that's the work. That's the practice. So here's the application for you right now. Take that thing that you thought of earlier, the boundary, the truth, the ask, whatever it was, and release it somehow today. Speak it out loud to the person. Or if that feels like too big of a leap, then write it down. Right? Say it to yourself in the mirror, right? Send the message if if you're ready, right? But whatever form it takes, just don't carry it. Because the moment that you voice it, even if it's messy, you reclaim your power. And that's how you start building the muscle of self-trust. And that's how you lead. All right, guys. So let's loom out zoom out for a second, right? Because here's the truth silence isn't strength, right? It's not stoicism, it's not self-control, it's surrender, right? It's handing the wheel of your life over to fear and just letting it drive, right? Real strength, real strength is saying the thing that you've been avoiding, even when your voice shakes, real strength is choosing to be honest instead of safe. Right? Because every time that you speak your truth, you're not just having a conversation, you're casting a vote for the man that you're becoming. You're saying, like, you know what, man, I trust myself. I trust my voice, and I matter enough to take up space here. And that's the shift. That's leadership. When you speak up, you lead yourself because you're proving to yourself that you're worth listening to. You lead others because you're giving them the gift of clarity instead of guessing games, right? And you lead your family, your friends, your community because you're modeling what it looks like to live aligned, not hidden.

unknown: 16:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 16:01

And the alternative is taking the back seat, right? Letting silence run the show. And you already know where that leads. Resentment, numbness, a slow erosion of your self-trust. So here's my challenge for you pick one thing, just one, that you've been avoiding a truth, a boundary, and ask, and I want you to speak it today. Not perfectly, not polished, just honestly. Because when you do that, you're not just getting something off your chest. You're declaring to yourself that I'm a man who leads with truth. And that identity shift, that's everything. And look, here's the thing: you don't have to do this practice alone. Right? Part of part of speaking your truth is having a place where it's safe to practice, right? A place where you can lay it out unpolished, maybe even messy, and see that the world doesn't end, right? That in fact, men lean in, right? They nod and they say, like, yeah, man, you know what? Me too. Right. That's what the Evolved Men Brotherhood is all about, right? It's a space where you you don't have to carry the backpack by yourself anymore, right? Where you get to practice using your voice in front of other men who are doing the same work. And you'll see really quickly that it's not as scary as you your as your head makes it out to be, that it's actually freeing. Right. So if you're listening to this and you're ready to stop hiding behind silence and start showing up with truth, I'd love to invite you into the brotherhood. And if you're not sure if it's the right step, that's okay too. Right? You can book a free discovery call with me, no pressure, just a real conversation about where you're at and what shifts might be possible for you when you start leading with your voice. So here's the reminder that I want to leave you with. When you silence yourself, you lose yourself. But when you speak, even if your voice shakes, even if it's clumsy, even if it's just a whisper, you come back online, you reconnect with your own strength, right? Your own truth, your own leadership. That one act of honesty is how you take the weight off of your pack. Right? It's how you trade resentment for freedom, numbness, for clarity, right? Silence for self-trust. So this week, choose courage, say the thing, take up space, and trust your voice. You got this. I'll see you next time on the Evolve Men podcast. Hey, before you go, this podcast is just the surface. The real work happens inside the Evolved Men Brotherhood. This is our private community of men committed to leading themselves boldly, building confidence, and sharpening one another in the fire. Registration officially opens December 1st, and we kick off our Brotherhood calls together beginning in January 2026. But you can get on the list today and be the first to claim your spot. If you're tired of going to life alone and you're ready for true accountability, support, and connection with men who get it, head to Evolvement Project.comslash Brotherhood. Don't just listen, step into the Brotherhood. I'll see you inside.