Men, before we dive in, I've got something big to share with you. The wait list for the Evolve Men Brotherhood is now open. This is the space where men stop doing the work alone. Inside the Brotherhood, you'll connect weekly with other men committed to growth, leadership, and living with purpose. You'll get access to live calls, courses, and the community that keeps you accountable when life gets hard. Registration opens soon. Join the wait list now at Evolvemen Project.com/slash brotherhood and be a part of the movement. Today we're talking about something that sounds super simple, right? But really, in all actuality, is super powerful when it's practiced, and that's gratitude. Right now, the the thing is that a lot of times I feel like there's this negative connotation around gratitude, right? Because gratitude, I feel like, or at least like listing gratitude, can seem really performative. Right. It's it's saying thank you to people. Hey, man, I really appreciate that. It's just like one of those sort of things that you're supposed to do. Like, of course you're supposed to be thankful for this. Like, of course you're supposed to feel good about that. But but I think that often people don't actually take the time to stop and think about what it is that they're great, grateful about, right? About what it is that they really feel, right? Like what it brings up in them. And and really making a conscious effort to to think about what it is that that moves them in those moments, right? And and it ends up being this sort of thing that that gratitude for people ends up being this sort of thing that's almost done, like kind of out of habit, right? Without even thinking about it, somebody just responds, like, hey man, thanks for doing that. But they don't actually, it's not being embedded, it's not being embodied into their, sometimes I say like it's not being actually embedded into their soul. Right. So really like this episode is really kind of bringing up the idea of not just saying it for the sake of saying it, but really understanding where it is that that comes from and and expressing it. Right. So today's focus, we're gonna be talking about why gratitude matters. We're gonna talk about how it, how it works and and how to apply it in when life feels messy. Right. So gratitude isn't isn't just about writing down a list of positives, right? It's really about looking through life through a different lens. And and when doing that, it's a lens that that really shifts how we see everything. Right. So, you know, often I feel like, as I was saying a second ago, like that it that it ends up being this like, let me just write down, you know, 10 positive things that you know that I'm supposed to say, right? Like these are all really nice. I'm I'm grateful that I have food, I'm grateful that I have water, right? But but doing this, right, like doing it and really embodying it really makes us stop and think about everything that's going on in our lives and being like, yeah, you know what, man, like I I do appreciate that. So real gratitude is real gratitude is is is presence, right? And and perspective and power, right? Because you have to actually stop in that sort of moment and and take an inventory of what's going on for you in your life and assess what it is that that you're grateful for, right? It's not just as I keep saying, it's not just pretending that everything is hunky dory, right? It's it's not like painting everything with this golden brush and being like, oh, that's you know, no big deal here, not a big deal there. It's it's recognizing like no matter what's going on in your life, what what it what's still good, right? Because in any opportunity, we have the opportunity or in any situation, we've got the opportunity to decide for ourselves how it is that we want to look at a scenario, right? And it's super easy for us to just say, in any sort of situation, like, oh, that's you know, the that's shitty or that's bad, like all of these other sort of things, but in and in any sort of situation, we we have the choice, right? It's kind of like a fork in the road, right? If you come to it, that if you're walking up to a situation, you can either choose, you know, an action to the left, or you can choose an action to the right, right? Now it's not it's not ignoring what the action is or what the situation or what's going on, but it's like, hey, this is gonna happen no matter what. There's nothing that I can change about that, right? And the way that I look at it can either be helpful or and and supportive and and constructive, right? Something that's gonna move me forward in my life, or it can be something that is negative and impactful, impactful and draws me down, right? So gratitude, it's not that struggle goes away when you have gratitude, right? It's what it is is that when the struggle happens, no matter what it is, right, we call it a situation or a struggle or whatever it is, that in those moments of struggle that is when you need the gratitude the most, right? So again, like I keep saying, it's not that that the struggle goes away. It's not that we're living life with rose-colored glasses, right? It's that, like, hey, the situation or the struggle or whatever it is, like it's still going to happen. There's nothing we can do about that. That event is going to take place, but we are the ones to choose in those moments how it is that we react to it, right? And reacting to it in and with gratitude changes the entire perspective of it entirely. Right. So the idea is you if if we think about this, right, and we break it down to the actual science of it, that consistent gratitude in your life, like it really starts to rewire your brain, right? And it strengthens those those pathways of optimism and resilience. You know, one one of the things that, well, I'll talk about it here in a second, but kind of on that that idea that going around, you know, insane in any sort of a situation, and it sounds silly, right? To to be able to do that, to just say, like, you know, hey, this thing didn't turn out great, right? Like, oh, you, you know, normally you would be like, oh, that was a super shitty situation, right? But looking at that, like, hey, you know what? Now I've experienced that. I know what to do next time. So when it comes around again, I can keep myself out of that situation. Right. And as you start practicing practicing this, instead of focusing on the negative, right, you start to rewire your brain to pick out the positives in every situation, right? Again, because these situations are going to happen. And nine times out of ten, there's nothing that you could do to have avoided it. But at the end of that, you get to choose how it is that you react to it. So there's a lot of other benefits that come with gratitude, right? They they say that that people that are actively practicing gratitude, that they sleep better, right? They feel happier, right? They they cope stronger with challenges and struggles and things that are going on in their life. Right. And and so all of this comes down to, as I keep saying, that what it is that you focus on in any sort of situation is what's going to grow. Right. And so if you focus on the negative in that situation, then that is going to grow and you're going to ruminate on it, right? And everything, everything that you do is bad, right? But out of that same situation, if you turn it around and you focus on the positives, no matter how few there are, right, and it's it's going to continue to grow, right? So gratitude is is training your mind to notice an abundance, right? Not lack. And and what I mean by that is that gratitude is is showing you that in those times you're like, man, you know, this didn't happen, this didn't go well, I don't have enough of this. It's it's training your mind to pick out of situations and scenarios and life more often to like just how fruitful your life is, like how many opportunities, like, yeah, maybe you don't have that one opportunity, but let's but look at all of these other opportunities that you do have, right? And and stopping to be thankful and and grateful for those sort of things, right? Because when you start picking that, it's like I was saying about what you focus on grows. Because when you start picking these sort of things out and you start making this a habit in your everyday life, more of this starts showing up for you everywhere else. Right. So for me, a lot of my life, you know, and I say all of this, right? As somebody that for most of my life I I chased, right? It was one achievement after the next. But and it was it wasn't until you know the the last few years really where I stopped and I was like, man, like why do I feel why do I feel like I've I've never arrived, I've never gotten there, right? It's never enough, right? And I I really started to realize that I had never stopped to acknowledge the fact that I've done work, I've overcome these obstacles, that I've done these things, right? That that yeah, maybe there's still things that I'm struggling with at times, but man, I am so grateful for the the opportunities that that that I have. Right. And so all of that to kind of say is that for most of my life, I was moving from one thing to the next and and really never stopping to take an inventory, right? Or to to be grateful for the things that I do have, right? They there were just things in my life, interestingly enough, as I think about it, like they were just things in my life that that really I took for granted, right? Things as simple as like, hey, I've I've got a job, I have health insurance, I have food on the table, like my kids are healthy, you know. And so as I think about that, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, yeah, of course, right? Those are all great. But the reality is like that's not that's not something that every it's it's not something, it's not a like it's not a God-given right, right? Like these are things that that were afforded to us, right? That we were given the opportunity, right? And so but it takes at times, it takes stopping to really stop and recognize, like, man, like that thing didn't just magically show up in my life, like there was an end-to-end process that made it so that it it was in front of me, right? That it that it presented itself, right? And so the moment that that you re that for me that that it really changed was was really around my kids, right? And my divorce, like really stopping to appreciate that all of the things that I that I had, the the time that I have with them, right? And you know, one one of the things that I go back to often is this quote that I think it's by the the time that your kids are 12 years old that you will have spent 80% of the time with them that you'll ever get. Right. And it it really made me stop and think like just how grateful that I am for, you know, the annoying times, right? When I'm like, oh fuck, I've I've got to take my kids to another soccer practice, right? Or to another wrestling practice, or like, oh like man, I I get to have the opportunity, right? Like it's it is a gift because one day those opportunities aren't going to be there, right? They're not going to be afforded to me, and I'm gonna be wishing more than ever that I had them. So for me, that's really changed, you know, as we talk about, especially in regards to my kids and and really just everyday life, like you know, the the saying, like stop and smell the roses, right? And it's it's made me so much more of a a calmer, more grounded, and more connected father and man and partner at times, right? To to really being able to to not only like to want to, I I want to stop. And you know, it's almost it's almost like taking in a picture, right? If you're thinking about it. And and right now, as I'm filming this podcast, I've got a beautiful picture of Smith Rock behind the camera here. And and so as I think about that, it's like it's like when you snap that picture, right? And when it comes through initially at the at the first snap of everything, it comes through maybe in black and white. But over time, maybe the longer that that that lens is is open, more colors start coming in, right? And they get more vibe, they get brighter and they get clearer and they get more vibrant, right? But the thing is that when for me, I was just cruising through life, you know, everything's going like this, and I couldn't tell you the trees that were going by, like what color they were, what kind of trees they were, if there was birds that was in them, right? Like if there was a pot of gold at the bottom of it. I I I had no idea. And so for me, it just it allowed me the the opportunity to stop and smell the roses and to take the pictures and to appreciate them and to smell things, right? Which in turn it it's it's just been a life experience, right? You know, as I think about all of this, it's like, what are we racing towards? What are we racing for? Right. I mean, are we racing to our our deathbed to to get there and have missed everything and not have actually experienced it? All right. So the thing about gratitude, right? Because I think a lot of times guys in particular might say that that, you know, gratitude is just it's it's denying the fact of what it is, right? Like we talked about earlier, like it's just painting over everything, right? But it's not saying that these sort of things didn't happen, it's really anchoring you in in the moment, in who you are as a man, as a father, as a husband, or whatever it might be, right? Like I'm I'm here, right? And so it is saying as an example, right? Like, yeah, this is hard, right? But I can still be grateful to be here, right? Is being a dad hard? Yeah, it's challenging at times, is being a partner challenging at times, absolutely, but I'm still grateful to be here. I'm still grateful to have someone, you know, that that cares about me, that contributes to me, that does this, right? So, you know, also saying, like, man, I I don't necessarily know where it is that I'm going, right, at times, right? Being a father, I've I say this often, man. I've I've never been, I'm what, 41 now? I've never been 41 years old and been a father. Like I'm still waking up every day figuring this out as I go. All right. Yeah, I'm completely lost. I have no clue, you know, figuratively, like I have no clue what I'm doing. Every problem that I'm approaching, I'm I'm if I haven't learned about it or maybe studied it, like it's kind of new to me. I'm figuring it out as I go, but I'm still grateful that I haven't given up, right? That I keep showing up, that I keep doing this. And yeah, sure, I've made mistakes, right? But I'm gonna keep showing up, and I'm gonna keep doing this again, over and over again. So gratitude is the it's it's kind of like the the emotional footing, right, that that you stand on during the storms, right? Sure, that there's a lot going on and you're swaying from side to side, right? But gratitude is the it's the anchor that's you know, I guess if it was like building a house, it's like the the lag bolts in the top of the, you know, that that go from the the bottom of I'm obviously not a construction guy, but the the things that hold the the subfloor down to the footing of the house, right? These are the sort of things that allow you to just say, because it's really easy during the storm for us to be like, oh man, like this is wrong, this is wrong, I did all that bad, like this is just gonna keep going. Yeah, yeah, that's that's all happening, right? But there's things in there at any given point that you can pull out of there, right? And kind of going back to what we said earlier, you have to you have to consciously make an effort. You have to make a choice which way you're going, right? Or or you get the opportunity to make the choice. And so we can look over here and we know where that's going. We've all done that many a times, but I can also go over here. Right. And I can also choose in those sort of moments to stop and to pause and to to recognize out of any situation what it is that I'm grateful for in it. Right. And it's it's that sort of pause and that calmness and that grounding, right, that really builds resilience and perspective when everything else feels like it's certain, right? Knowing that, hey, I've got all of these other things that are going on, and and these sort of things didn't go the way that I want to. But being able to to like, you know, I picture it as like a five-year-old kid running around the house, right? And it's just crazy and everything's going on, and like, wow, it's all wild, right? But being able to say at the end of that, like, yeah, like shit's crazy right now. All right, it's it's wild. There's a lot of things going on, there's toys everywhere, like, but I know at the end of this, like, just like it did before, it's gonna get put away. The house is gonna be quiet, right? I'm gonna get to spend time with my partner. And it's it's that resilience and perspective that practicing gratitude builds. So we've talked about gratitude in a lot of different ways, right? So let's talk a little bit about how gratitude impacts relationships, right? And and I'm not talking about just, you know, the this goes for both your your kids and your partner, but but it extends on past that, right? Because genuine appreciation, right, is is the is one of the things or the glues, we could say, that really deepens trust and emotional safety, right? So whether it's with anybody that it's with, really extending that sort of appreciation to them, it it lights people up, man. I mean, anytime anybody has ever said to me, you know, like, no matter what it is, you know, maybe I'm like a what is it, words of affirmation sort of guy. Like anytime someone comes to me and they're like, hey, Corey, man, I just want to tell you, like, I really appreciate what you did back there or what you said, it makes my entire day, right? And then at that moment, like that that was a moment where that person had an opportunity to like we had a connection there, right? It was one of those things like I trust them, I can see their vulnerability their vulnerability, they can see mine, like, okay, like this is someone that maybe I want to, you know, like it's just seeing it is kind of where I'm going with it. So the idea with that, right, is that so there's this, this what they an effect or a theory, or I'm not sure what it's called, but it's called the the reciprocity effect, right? That as we're walking around in the world, there's the way that we show that others show up to us can be the way that we share out and show up to the world, right? So if I'm extending gratitude to everybody else, you know, or you know, and and this doesn't mean that I'm just like walking around, you know, sunshines and rainbows everywhere that I go, right? But finding opportunities along your day to just say to somebody like, hey man, I I really wanted to tell you I I appreciate you, you know. I the the the friendship that we have, like I really value it, right? For maybe these different reasons. And and it doesn't even have to be something so deep, right? It could be something as as simple as I don't know, but finding opportunities along the way. Hey man, I appreciate you, you know, showing up here tonight and putting on dance lessons, right? It's something that I that I really value during the week. Wow. Right? Like that guy, that dance instructor, I I danced salsa, right? So last night I was at a salsa lessons. So saying something like that to the the dance instructor, right? Like that just made his night more than likely, right? And he's from there is gonna go out, it's gonna put a smile on his face, it's gonna pick him up a little bit, and he's gonna walk away from there and be like, yeah, you know what? Like, I show up every Wednesday night, and and you know, there's a lot of nights that you know that maybe he doesn't want to show up, or he had a bad night, or whatever it is, but he gets an opportunity to remember that people really value him being there and acknowledging that. And so that in turn, he turns around and he's thanking the the guy at the gas station, he's thanking the woman at the the espresso stand or the the Starbucks that he picked up or somebody for holding the door, right? And so it's this effect, this reciprocity effect that starts to it's like a a ripple in the water, right? When one person drops it, that it just it it grows out from there and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger, right? So as we as we kind of you know, as I think about this, right? I I would challenge you, like who do you think who is somebody in your life that you could express gratitude today? Right, and and it doesn't as we start talking about this and you start doing it, like what we're really trying to do here is is grease the skids, right? We're not trying to like, you know, this isn't like showing up at the gym on January 1 and being like, okay, you know what? I'm gonna show up every day, like every day I'm gonna find every single opportunity to thank everybody for everything. Like, no, no, no, like we're gonna get burnt out, right? So the idea is like, how could I thank one more person, you know, or express my gratitude today? Right, and and do that. So here's a couple of ideas, right? As you start to think about how it is that you would express gratitude, right? So there's there's the one way, right, is keeping a gratitude journal, right? And that's that's writing down three things daily. And and the trick with this is not one of the themes that you've probably heard over and over in this is that it's not about it's not about just writing down what's shiny, right? Or what sounds good, right? That like, oh, let me, you know, I'm I'm grateful for my health, I'm grateful for, you know, oh, I don't know, I'm grateful for electricity, I'm grateful for that. Like, no, really take an opportunity to find the things that light you up a little bit, right? And and it's it doesn't have it can be perfect, it can be personal to you, right? So being able to say, like, you know what, I'm really like, I love Grande Vanilla lattes. Like every time I drink one of those, like it puts a smile on my face. I'm grateful for coffee creamer, you know, and that doesn't mean that that's always gonna look that that entry in your journal is always going to look that way, that you're always going to be thanking coffee creamer or being grateful for coffee coffee creamer. But what we're trying to do here is start to to grease the skids, right? To get those things is to to build our acknowledgement of it, right? Because for a lot of men, this isn't something like myself that for most of my life I never stopped to actually take an invo inventory and acknowledge what it is that I'm thankful for. So in the beginning, yeah, of course, I'm I'm grateful for you know French vanilla coffee creamer. I'm super grateful for that. Right. So the other thing is to actually a gratitude pause. All right. And so this is this is an opportunity to take like one conscious breath and and name something that's going right right now, in the moment or whatever it is, right? To really, and this is nice because it's not something that you've got to have a journal, that you have to think about it too much, but when you're standing in line at Starbucks, right, or whatever it is, just being grateful for like, man, you know what? I'm so I'm so stoked that I brought my my umbrella with me today, right? I live in Washington State, it rains a lot, and so just those sort of things, like, man, this is I'm stoked. I I brought this, right? Or or whatever it might be. So in those moments, taking a pause and taking a breath, right, and and finding something in that moment to be grateful for. So, and the next one is is actually taking it a step farther and writing a gratitude letter, right? And I I know what you're thinking, right? First thing's like, oh my god, there's no way this is gonna be long, he's gonna make me send it. Like, no, that's not what I'm saying. So, but the idea is is to to write something out again, it could be on a on a post-it note or a full-length letter, right? But to write something meaningful, and it's up to you whether you send it or not, but just getting in the practice of taking that inventory and acknowledging it and and sharing it from there, right? We talked about the reciprocity effect, and so, but it's getting into the practice of that. One of the things that I that I wanted to share with you, and this is something that we talked about in the men's group when I brought this topic up, I don't know, some some time ago, is the idea in any situation to so if I asked you right now, for instance, right? Say, say something happened, no matter what it was, and you stopped in that moment, and you were like, you know what, I'm gonna sit here, and and this is one of the things that we we talked about it, you know, say for whatever reason you're in some sort of a mindset about how how bad everything is right now. Like, if you were to consciously stop in that moment and write down a hundred things, or just to say, right, like theoretically, if you were to write down a hundred things that you're grateful for right now, right? The idea is that you wouldn't there you would never make it to a hundred before it probably changed your mood and your perspective, right? It's and so kind of going back to the the idea that we have a choice in every given moment, right? We can we can choose to have a negative outlook or perspective on this. Right. Or the situations still happen. Right. We can't change that. The fact is what it is. The situation is truth. Right. But I can choose what it is that I want to pick out of this. Right. I can choose to make it constructive and positive and helpful. And even if that means like, hey, this happened to me today, but I know in the future, when I come across this again, and maybe in the future, I don't even nail it that time. But you know what? I got 99 more times. And by the time I get to, you know, to the last one, I'm going to have nailed this. And I had to have gone through those, through those 99 in order to have gotten there. But my point in saying all of this is even going as far as thinking about it from that way is that writing down, like if you were, you you can't help but to change your perspective and your mood and your thought processes when you start to look at things through that lens, again, of gratitude. Right. And so the idea with this is to begin to change our thoughts around it, our minds, and start to reframe situations and challenges and things like that in our life. And that's turning them from complaints into a shift in our perspective in how we view things. So as we start to wrap up today, I gratitude doesn't erase hardships, right? And that's something that's super important that I that I don't want to just like gloss over. I'm not trying to say that these things didn't happen, right? So gratitude doesn't erase hardship. Hardship is the situation, right? What gratitude does is it helps you meet it with strength, right? Because we said that, like, hey, this is gonna happen anyway. There's nothing that I can change about that. That is truth, that is fact, right? But I have an opportunity here. I am the captain of my ship, as my as my mentor would say. I'm the one driving this ship. And I get to choose how it is that I look at this, right? And I choose something that's going to be constructive and going to be helpful. So gratitude turns what we have, right? As we think about this, gratitude turns what it is that we have in life into enough, right? Because a lot of us are always searching for more, more, more, or to have this or do these sort of things, right? Or I need to do that, that I I should really be doing this. It makes us stop and look at like the the how fragile all of this is, the ecosystem of our life, right? The the experiences that we get with our kids, and it it really changes things from not enough, right, to to being enough, to being full, to instead of a scarcity mindset into a mindset of abundance. It and it begins to really reconnect us to meaning and to to purpose, right? And and anchors us in the present, right, with with strength and conviction, right? So gratitude takes like I said, uh, you know, and just to to drive that home, that gratitude really takes what it is that we have that in our life that are thoughts and turns it into enough, right? It it reconnects us in in every aspect of life. Right. So all right, guys, that's what I've got for this episode. If anything in here you was super impactful for you, like really stuck home, that you really took a took away with it, I encourage you to share this with another another man, right? I think that more often people need to to take that pause and take that inventory to really stop and think about what it is that they're they're grateful for. So, and with that, I would encourage you like what's one thing that you're taking away from this episode today that you're grateful for, right? And and to to write it down, to share somebody, you know, share that with somebody or or send a letter or whatever it might be. Right. So the takeaway for today is is to really reconsider your your habits, right? Or your mindset around gratitude, right? And and really remember that it's gratitude is at the foundation of self-leadership and self-mastery. All right, guys, that's what I've got for today's episode. I'll see you next time. Hey, before you go, this podcast is just the surface. The real work happens inside the Evolve Men Brotherhood. This is our private community of men committed to leading themselves boldly, building confidence, and sharpening one another in the fire. Registration officially opens December 1st, and we kick off our Brotherhood calls together beginning in January 2026. But you can get on the list today and be the first to claim your spot. If you're tired of going at life alone and you're ready for true accountability, support, and connection with men who get it, head to Evolvemen Project.comslash Brotherhood. Don't just listen, step into the Brotherhood. I'll see you inside.