Men, before we dive in, I've got something big to share with you. The wait list for the Evolve Men Brotherhood is now open. This is the space where men stop doing the work alone. Inside the Brotherhood, you'll connect weekly with other men committed to growth, leadership, and living with purpose. You'll get access to live calls, courses, and the community that keeps you accountable when life gets hard. Registration opens soon. Join the wait list now at Evolvemen Project.com/slash brotherhood and be a part of the movement. So today I wanted to talk about a tendency that I noticed in myself years ago. And then since then, I noticed often in a lot of the men, men around me, the men that I work with, right, just really kind of all over this place. And it's it's this tendency for us to downplay our our strengths, right? To to shrink back and reserve ourselves and giving away our powers and our leadership to other people, right? And and what this isn't about, this isn't about being more arrogant, right? This is about claiming ownership for who it is that we are and the inherent strengths that we do have, the things that we've worked for in our lives, right? And and really, really remembering, right, that for us to really like revisit and re-id re-examine, right, why it is maybe at times that we're trying to to qualify ourselves as people, right? Why are to to stop shrinking back, right? And to really start leading from a place of strength. So this pattern comes up in in a lot of different ways, right? But some of the ones that might be familiar for you is a tendency to to brush off the compliments, right? Or at times downplaying effort or or successes or things that you've you've accomplished, right? Really like taking this back seat to owning what it is that that you've done, right? Maybe at times it's deflecting the the recognition, right, that others are giving you, staying agreeable instead of truly authentic, right? That it's it's this underlying like belief, right, or rule that we have ourselves that it that maybe if I if I actually own my power, that I'll be too much for everybody, right? That if I if I shine too brightly, that others will feel feel small. Right. And so the thing is, is that these beliefs are they're they're a way that your mind is kind of protecting you or protecting itself, right? And a a way of a way for you to stay safe and not actually seen. Right. And so this came up for me years ago, and it was something in the moment that had a really big impact then and it continues to every day. And so at the time, I had been asked to to speak to a group of men, right? And it was a group of men that I was a part of, and I had been a part of for quite a long time, but I was it was at an event and I was asked to come up on stage and uh and speak to them about my journey and my experiences and the things that I've struggled with and how I kind of over overcome them over time and and the challenges that I had. And so there was probably I want to say there was probably like 300 men in the room that day. And during the time that I was up there on stage, like I walking to them through my journey and and whatnot, like I shared with them things that I had never shared with anybody besides my therapist up until that point. Right. And we had we had a really it was, I think, therapeutic both for me in that moment and and you know, afterwards, from what I the feedback that I got, like it was it was really memorable for everybody else as well. And I'll kind of leave out the details for my own, my own sake. But really what I took away from it at the end of it was that when I when I stepped off that stage afterwards, I had I don't know how many men that were coming up to me and were thanking me for sharing my story and for being vulnerable, right? It's so many of them were sharing with me like how much how similar it sounded to their own struggles and their own journey and the things that they've had challenges with in the past, right? Just time and time again where these men were were sharing this and with every single person that came up to me, like I just wanted to get smaller and smaller and smaller, right? To the point where I was like, I just want to get out of here. I want to go in the bathroom and I just want to be away from everybody because it was this sense that that I wasn't worthy of any of it, right? That I hadn't actually done those things, that I hadn't put in the work, right? And it it was almost like with every and with every person that came up, right, was another person that was was seeing me. I mean, I know that I was up on stage and I don't know that I really thought through it in the moment, right? But I I think I kind of came to learn after the fact that I didn't want to be seen, right? Being seen was being vulnerable, right? That there was a possibility. I mean, in the same sense, there's somebody that could have come up come up there and told me, like, hey man, you're a piece of shit. And and I think it's that sort of reaction that maybe I was trying to avoid in the moment. But the reality is that that's like that's not what's necessarily going to happen. And so with that event and and with a lot of others in my lives, right? A lot of the things that I've seen is that we it's easy or it can be at times to step back from owning who it is that we are and our experiences and maybe the our strengths, right? Sure, maybe maybe I was at a different point in my journey compared to somebody else that was just starting their journey. And to them, they look at me and they're like, wow, this is amazing. This guy's done all this work. But for me in those moments, that I wanted to step back because I didn't want that sort of person. And it's not just in that event, but in other events in my life, like I stepped back because I didn't want that person to feel like they were too little, right? I was afraid that if I was, if I was to say exactly who it is that I was, or the things that I've I've done, or the things that I've believed in, that I would be too much. And then I had this black and white thinking that it was either one or the other. I was either too much, right, or I would get the feedback that I was not enough. Right. And that, and so along the way, and this is what I've come to really learn over the years, is that there's a real cost that comes with playing small. And it's not always evident. Matter of fact, like I don't know that I would say it's really ever evident, for me at least in the moment. Right. That it's one of these sort of things, you know, as I've talked about time and time again, it's like these votes, right? Or these death by a thousand cuts that every time we don't allow ourselves to to say who it is that we are to be proud of that, right? And to embody that and to share that with people, that that's also a vote internally that we that we didn't do those things, that we're not worthy of sharing that sort of stuff with the world, right? That yeah, and so it it kind of brings up for me as I think about it, right? I I've got two kids, and I think of an example, you know, where it kind of happens for us in our mind that it would be like my my kids, right? That are, you know, seven and eleven. And it's like me, them coming up to me and being like, hey dad, I, you know, I just went out and did this, you know, it and me, you know, either putting them down or kind of taking that away from them, right? And over and over and over again, like taking that away, eventually they're going to they're not gonna bring it up, right? They're not going to be proud of it, they're not going to know that they can do the hard things, right? Because they never talk about it. It was never worthy of being talked about. Because every time that I came to dad, he shut me down. He stopped me, right? He he said, Hey, hey, hey, don't, don't tell the other boys that that you know you're a great snowboarder, right? Don't don't go over there and you know, don't don't talk about how fast of a runner you are, right? Or any of those sort of things, right? And it's that just as it could be to a five-year-old, there's a there's a five-year-old that it's inside of us that needs to know that it's that you're proud of them for doing these things, right? For doing the hard work, doing the workouts, and that when you're not giving that five-year-old that that internal part of yourself that recognition, then they don't have anything to to base it on. So when we look at, right, like I said, there's a cost of playing small, and it's not always up front, right? It's these sort of things that tear away at us from you know, internally over and over again over the years. And that leads to, right, when we're not when we don't have that sense of self-worth and confidence and self-trust, right? It it leads to just, I mean, a lot of different things that it leads to, but really like a diminished or a less than sort of presence, right? I mean, sometimes I'll describe it in my life as like having walked through life like a shadow, right? Like, I don't want anybody to see me. I I don't want to be acknowledged, I'm not really here, I don't want to take up any space, right? And that like, how is anybody ever supposed to connect with somebody that's trying to be a shadow? Right. And so it just continues to reaffirm that same sort of thing. And so, where do we want to go with this? You might ask, right? And so I would ask you, like, hey, where in your life are the are some of these things showing up for you right now, right? Where in your life are you, do you feel like you're muting your presence in order to just keep the peace, right? To to think ahead maybe in the conversation and be like, well, if I say that, somebody's going to think I'm better than them, right? Or they'll have any of these sort of things that that they'll they'll think, right? But who do you feel like you're protecting by pretending that you're not powerful? So if we really kind of switch this around, I think that that men have this idea, right, that ownership, right, or that power is arrogance, right? That that if I state these facts, these things that I've done, then it's gonna be arrogant. And I and I don't want to be that arrogant asshole that everybody, you know, doesn't like. But the reality is that there's a difference between ego, right, which is probably closer to like arrogance, than to ownership, right? And ego needs that validation, right? It's feeding on that sense of worth and value from other people, right? So it's it's boasting, it's it's doing these things with the expectation, you know, the expectation that other people are going are going to put them on that sort of pedestal, right? But ownership, taking ownership of who you are and the things that you've done in your life is grounded, right? And it's unshakable. It's just one of those things that are a fact, right? These are this is the thing that I signed up for. I did it, I did the work, and it's not that I'm trying to tell anybody that I'm better than them, that they're less than. I'm just here, right? I'm this is something that that I've done. This is something of who I am, right? And yeah, I've I've done the work in order to accomplish that. But in that moment, and even in me saying that right now, that's not trying to say anybody else is anything else. And and and I think the thing that I try to remember for myself is that everybody is going to have a different perception based on the life that they've lived. And I can't control everybody's lens. Like I don't know their story and what they've been through. And so, but what I can control is me, right? And I can speak from the facts and my truth and who it is that I am. And as a result of that, like I can continue to build confidence and worth and value and strength in myself that yeah, I did these things. I got up in the morning at 5 a.m. and I got in the cold plunge and I did the workout. That's not to put you down, that's to reaffirm for myself like the life that I'm building and who it is that I want to be. Right. So owning your strength isn't arrogance, right? It's alignment with who you are. Right. And so when when a man starts leading from his true strengths, right, people recognize that, right? And and there's a difference from a grounded sort of strength versus an ego sort of strength. And people see the difference, and people want to follow and be around and to be led by a man that is is grounded in his strengths. Right. So as we kind of talk about this and you think about it, like I I want you to think for yourself, right? Like, because all of us have all of us have things that that are strengths that other people don't possess, things that we do, maybe it's mannerisms or the way that we bring a smile to the room, or we can always crack a joke, or whatever it is, but these are things that are real that people can't take away from you. So I would ask, what are what are some of those sort of things that that maybe people have said to you in the past, that things that you know for yourself that, hey, I'm really good at this. And it doesn't even have to be things that, like, man, I'm better than everybody else at, but they're like, they are me. I enjoy this. This is who I am, right? And and that's kind of the idea with this is that we don't have to shy away from who it is that we are, right? We don't, we don't have to pretend that we're that we're not ourselves. All right. So as you're thinking about these sort of things, I challenge you to to write them down for yourself, right? Write it in your journal, you know, however it is that you do, but to to really acknowledge the fact that I am this. These are me. This is who I am, and that's okay. Right? That I this is who I am at my soul, right? And I'm not trying to push that on anybody or better than or anything like that, but this is me, and that's something that I'm proud of. Right. I encourage you as well, you know, to to reach out to somebody, right? Brother, a close friend or something like that, and to ask somebody like, hey man, what do you what do you see in me that that you feel like I'm really good at? And I think you'll be surprised at how many things and how willing people are to share with you the things that they see in you that maybe you don't see in yourself. All right. So really what I want you to take away from this episode today is really this permission to stop waiting to be who it is that you are, right? To really take that and embody it as a strength, right? And to to recognize and to realize for once that strength and humility can coexist. Right? That that confidence isn't something that you earn, it's something that you own, right? Something that you you take for yourself, and it's something that you you put into practice, right? So something to kind of take away from it is that you don't have to you don't have to fake confidence, right? You just have to stop pretending that you're not already carrying something valuable, right? So finding what that is and acknowledging it and recognizing it and owning for yourself that that it's there and that it's real. Right. So this week, as you move throughout it, right, if you identify as when you identify something, walk around through the week like it's true, like it's real. Right, and and really own it from your core. All right, guys, that's what I've got for this episode. Hey, before you go, this podcast is just the surface. The real work happens inside the Evolve Men Brotherhood. This is our private community of men committed to leading themselves boldly, building confidence, and sharpening one another in the fire. Registration officially opens December 1st, and we kick off our brotherhood calls together beginning in January 2026. But you can get on the list today and be the first to claim your spot. If you're tired of going to life alone and you're ready for true accountability, support, and connection with men who get it, head to Evolvement Project.comslash brotherhood. Don't just listen, step into the Brotherhood. I'll see you inside.