Men, before we dive in, I've got something big to share with you. The wait list for the Evolve Men Brotherhood is now open. This is the space where men stop doing the work alone. Inside the Brotherhood, you'll connect weekly with other men committed to growth, leadership, and living with purpose. You'll get access to live calls, courses, and the community that keeps you accountable when life gets hard. Registration opens soon. Join the wait list now at Evolvemen Project.com/slash brotherhood and be a part of the movement. And that's stress and how to find balance when life feels anything but balanced. So most of us have been taught throughout our lives to just push through, to grind, to carry the weight, but not many of us were taught to how to actually slow down, how to regulate, how to rest when things start to feel overwhelming. So in this episode, we're going to explore what stress actually is and how to recognize when it's building. We're going to explore how balance doesn't mean doing everything, it means knowing what matters. And practical tools that you can use today to manage pressure, fight calm, and show up more powerfully in your life. So let's get into it. So stress gets a bad rap, right? But not all stress is bad. In fact, some stress, what we call eustress, can be helpful, right? Because it keeps us sharp, it keeps us focused, and it keeps us motivated. I think at times a lot of people put this stigma that, right, I've I've got to get rid of this stress, that I've got to do something with it. I've got to do these things. And so it's not, it's not always the case, right? That where it becomes a problem is when that stress builds into something. So and and that stress can affect a lot of different, can affect us in a lot of different ways. It can affect us physically, right? And fatigue and headaches and poor sleep and and medical ailments and you know, back problems, like any number of different things. The the the physical part is really interesting on how stress can affect, you know, different things that, you know, as kind of an example, right? That like you find that when you're stressed, you really tense up in your back. And then you walk around, you're like, man, I I walk around all the time with with back problems, right? And so you start, you start diagnosing and trying to figure out the you know, going to see the doctor because you think that you've got back problems, when in fact it might be a stress problem. It also affects us emotionally, right? Irritably, anxiety, low motivation, behaviorally, obviously, right? Procrastination, withdrawal, like unhealthy habits. And so one of the biggest challenges is that stress becomes normal, right? It starts to become a way of life and we stop noticing it. We we adjust, we adapt, and we just keep pushing through, right? Because this is something that this is something that we know. And and it it becomes almost like this identity of who we are, that when we actually we that to an extent we don't know who we are, if we were to to stop and ground ourselves and not have that level, you know, it gets to a point where not having that level of stress begins to make us anxious or nervous. Right. But the reality is that underneath all of this sort of stuff, right, as as we're we're normalizing it and making it a part of our everyday life, we're really super depleted underneath all of that. That our our resources are draining our physically, our physically, mentally, emotionally, like all of these sort of things, we're running ourselves dry. So the the first step in handling stress isn't some fancy technique. It's really just the awareness and and checking in and asking yourself, right, where is this strong stress showing up in my body? Is it in my, is it in my habits? Is it in my mood, right? Am I do I find that when this happens, that I always run to these other sort of escapes, right? Is it as I talked about earlier, in, you know, in my for me, in my back at times, like it really shows up though. I I'll almost I notice it in different areas. One of them is in my back, one of them is in my face, right? I find that that this sort of, you know, and I'm pointing to like my left eye sort of area, is it'll get really almost like twitchy, and it'll get tired and kind of exhausted. And so what I find is that it's from things, it's like holding my breath. And that's another example, right? But holding my breath in those moments that I tense up and I tense up in my back, I tense up in my face, right? And all of those sort of things, you know, and it doesn't always there may be a trigger in the beginning of it that led to me tensing up, that led to pressure in my back, that leads to my mood changing or my demeanor or how I respond or I react to everything. So as we talk about that, you know, it's not just about, you know, these five tools to like lower stress in your life. It's it's really about the awareness of it and how it shows up for you. Right. Because the the how it shows up in your body and your habits and you know, and your mood comes generally well before the the physical manifestations, right? Or or the some of the downstream sort of things is that our body interprets it and expresses it in a way much sooner than some of the other things. So the idea of catching it early on is is one of the the best ways to do it, right? Because once you you see it, once you acknowledge it and what's happening, that you can actually start working with it and and reversing those effects. So let's talk a little bit about balance with this, right? Because balance doesn't mean doing everything in perfect proportion. I I think that there can be this tendency when we think about stress and how do we get rid of it. And people will say, like, well, you know, you gotta manage your time better, like you gotta let things go, you gotta do these sort of things. And it it can be this pendulum swing between I'm either like doing everything or I'm doing nothing. Right. So balance doesn't mean doing everything in perfect proportions, right? It's not about becoming some hyper-efficient productivity machine, right? That's got lists everywhere that that does everything. You know, you've figured out every minute detail of how to avoid the stress. And and that's kind of, you know, that's something that I want to highlight here is that this isn't about avoiding stress, right? Or getting rid of stress. It's about acknowledging it and taking away from it what's necessary. It's like, it's like a movement of energy, right? If energy was to come into you, how do you acknowledge it, see that it's coming, and redirect it into something that's useful? So, but back to balance, right? Balance is about knowing what matters and giving those things your energy. It's it's about paying attention to the areas of life that actually fuel you, right? Your relationships, uh, health, your growth, you know, play, your purpose in life, your family, your kids, whatever those are, like identifying what those things are and reallocating things to focus on those, right? Because when those things get neglected is when the stress really starts to creep in, right? But when you stay connected to what it is that fills you up, you become more resilient, right? Even even in the middle of that pressure. All right. So I want you to take a moment here and really ask yourself, right, what what are the areas of your life that feel neglected right now? Right. What sort of what are those sort of things that, man, you just know every day that you wake up that, man, I I just need a few more minutes to like close the loop on this? Or I've really been meaning to make that phone call or spend some time with that person. All right, that there's there's more than likely there's those sort of things that that are always on the to-do list that are never, never getting done. What is it that you're overcommitting to? Right. What sort of places are are you saying yes to things that you really want to say no? That you know that, hey, there's not the time in the day in order to do this, but you're still saying yes because maybe it's just you know part of that identity at this point of like who I am. I say yes to everything, regardless of whether or not I have the time. I'll figure it out. And and what would more balance look like for you? Right? What if you were to set some of these things down, if you were to say no to things, if you were to spend more time with the things that that matter, what would that look like for you? Right? Would it be, you know, would it be you spending more time with your family? Would it be you getting up at 5 a.m. to get a workout in, right? Or, you know, taking time in the afternoon to go for a walk. And the idea with all of this, like like everything that I talk about, is that it's not about fixing everything today, right? So it's not about making a list and checking that stuff off one by one. It's about the the awareness, right? And acknowledging it of where these things are showing up and then starting to make small and subtle changes consistently over time. And that's where the the shift really begins. So for most of my life, personally for me, I've been really good at functioning under stress. And and as I talk about, it's been something that has a has been almost a part of my identity that for a long time I didn't, you know, I had no idea. It was almost scary to think about saying no to some of these things, right? I could, because I could handle a lot, right? I could, I could carry things that most people would buckle under. And those are the sort of things that at times I was proud of. I I wore like a badge of honor, right? Just how much that I could shoulder and I could carry and and keep this persona, this mask that it wasn't affecting me. And and I think at times there's there's a part of this that we don't know what we don't know, right? And so as I as I look back over different periods of my life that I've had different, like, you know, physical things that were going uh going on with me, or you know, the just the energy throughout my house and my kids and my relationships, that yeah, it all really like I I sure I can handle it. Yeah, I can do it, but I'm also it's it's kind of like pouring from you know a cup that has a hole in the bottom of it, right? Like it's that it's gonna continue to leak. I'm I'm never I'm always negative, I'm always behind if I'm not more thoughtful about incorporating more balance into my life. So, but with that, right, that along the way, what I didn't realize was that I was I was normalizing this dysfunctional pattern. I was surviving, but I sure I was surviving, but I I wasn't thriving, right? It when I talk about that cup, it was really just that, that I was I was more focused about putting things into the cup, right? Or making to an extent, I guess, like that making sure that more things ended up in the cup and not necessarily worried about plugging those other those other holes, right? So, how am I gonna get to a point, if I think about that in a sense of like a water bottle, how am I ever gonna get to fill that sort of thing up if I don't stop? How am I gonna get to a place of of that next level, right? That like that thriving relationship, like the the intimacy and the passion and purpose in my life. Like, how am I actually going to get there? How am I gonna be it's it's like it's like driving in a car that's that's jacked up, right? The the car is on blocks and you got the pedal to the metal, but you're not actually going anywhere. And you're just managing, like, hey, we're just making sure that we keep fuel in the tank and oil in the engine and we keep the floor to the, you know, the pedal to the floor, right? Because I for me, I I wasn't creating the space to actually feel to to to acknowledge those different, you know, whether it was mentally, physically, emotionally, those ailments that were happening to me to actually take time to stop and to breathe and to recharge. And for me, eventually, everything caught up with me, right? Physically, emotionally, mentally, I felt, I felt scattered and reactive and drained. Right. And for me, excuse me, what really changed for me wasn't this this massive overhaul, right? As as I said earlier, like it was these small intentional shifts. And and I think it's it's like anything. And I always attribute this back to like trying to turn a ship on a dime, right? We're not gonna take something that's been full steam ahead for so long and expect to turn it around and flip it on its head overnight. I mean, you try to do some stuff like that, like there's gonna be cargo containers going off the side of the ship, like all kinds of, you know, the kitchen on the ship and everything, like everybody's gonna freak out because it's just not meant to turn that quickly. And so it's not sustainable. And so the idea is is having these, making these small intentional shifts that you can be consistent about over time. So for me, I really started asking myself, what what does what does rest look like for me? You know, I I started at different times in my life. I've fitness and has been a really important part of my life. And and and I had to like continue dialing this back to really put a focus on what that it wasn't so much, and I think this is maybe a good analogy, that it's not so much about the the workout, the strain, that your body actually develops the muscle, right, or repairs itself, that the actual growth happens during rest, right? So while you're sleeping at night is when the muscles rebuild and develop. And so really readdressing or inspecting my relationship with what rest looked like and and rewriting that it wasn't such a bad thing, right? That that's when all of the amazing things that I was doing, that that's when I would start to embody them. So another thing I did is I I really started inspecting and investing, you know, like digging deep into where I was spending energy on things that that didn't matter, right? I was either running around in circles, fixing problems that weren't really problems, you know, and I think even to an extent at times, like I was making problems that didn't need to be problems, that I was solving issues for things, or I was plugging holes that there wasn't one. And all of that takes cycles, right? Because maybe I have an expectation of the way that things should be, that I would be out there doing that sort of work when the road didn't need to be patched. So it's almost like, you know, a pothole in the road. It's like going out driving around looking for potholes and roads. And and I I'm purposely looking for ones that are the furthest away from the city, that nobody ever drives down. And I call the cavalry out to like, hey, it's the most important thing for us to plug this, plug this pothole. When in reality, like the shit doesn't matter. Nobody is ever out there. And when they do, they drive around it, like nobody cares. And so really being cognizant of where I spent my energy, you know, and we go back to like what it is that matters to us in our life, right? My my my health and my fitness and my family, right, and my purpose and my mission. And if it's not one of those sort of things, like really inspecting whether or not it's that important. And and also what it in order for that to happen, what is it that needs to come off of my plate? Right. Even even if if at times it looks important at first glance. Yeah, because I think a lot of times, you know, something will come in and you'll think that, like, oh, hey, this has got to be addressed right now, it's super important. When in reality, it's it's not gonna be the end of the world. And so for me, that's when when balance really stopped being this idea, and it started becoming a practice, right? It becoming something that I embodied and I included in everyday life. And really going back to the fitness analogy, that it was it was in the rest that I was able to be more productive, that I would be able to grow more, that I was able to support people, you know, both myself and others more efficiently, effective, and and so on. So let's talk a little bit about some of the tools in order to manage stress. So, for me, some of the most effective stress management practices that I've seen, both in my life and with the clients that I work with, first of all, you know, as we talked about earlier, is awareness and really naming your triggers is the first one. Because awareness is the power of it. You you can you can walk around, it's like that cup analogy that I talked about, that you can keep pouring into that cup, but if you don't realize that there's a hole at the bottom of it, that you you can never move forward, right? And so really starting to ask yourself what what situations, what people or thoughts are consistently spiking your stress level, right? And so acknowledging what are your triggers, what are the things that spike your stress and get you to that point. Number two is breathing before reacting, taking one deep breath. And that's all it takes to interrupt the stress spiral and return back to your center. So the idea is, is you know, and and it's it's almost increasing that space in nanoseconds over time, right? First is really just acknowledging that, hey, this happened. And the more time that we can create in between that trigger and the response, the more that, you know, because what what usually happens after that? If we think about whatever it might be, let's say it's something triggering from your partner or your kids or whatever it is, you can either, you know, you can have the trigger and you automatically respond, and then you just continue to feed into it and it spirals and it just continues to go, or you can have the trigger and you can take just that split second to take a breath before a response. And then at that point you realize that, hey, it's not about me. Maybe they had a bad day. They're super, you know, there. How can I be more supportive in this moment? Like, how can I how can I show up for them in a way that they're not able to show up for themselves? And so our our I the idea there is, and this this is not easy, right? This is it takes time and it takes effort to be able to increase that space in between, right? But one of the ways that one of my therapists long ago described it to me is that it's like going to the filing cabinet, right? You you have a trigger and it's like walking, you know, taking a moment and walking the in the filing cabinet's got, you know, tons, it's full of files of like how to respond in this moment. And so it's like, okay, this happened. Walking over to the filing cabinet and rifling through it. Yep, yep, okay, looking for it, looking for it, pulling one out and be like, no, I don't think that's a good one. Putting that one back, rifling through it, going through, and then, yep, this is a good one. And then coming back. And and I get it, like that doesn't happen on day one, right? But realizing that there is that moment of space in between there. And the more that you can lengthen that, the more that over time things will shift for you. So the third thing is moving your body. And I'm not talking about just fitness, right? But movement releases tension, right? And and shifts your mental state. So maybe in those sort of movements, it's getting up and walking around the room, going for a walk outside, it's it's even just like shaking things out, moving your legs, right? And and again, and kind of like getting the the blood flowing. Because in those times where we've had a trigger, right, and we're holding our breath, the that movement will trigger us to take a breath, right? That you you remember in that moment, like, okay, I'm moving, take a breath, and you know, along with your paws and and and whatnot. So the fourth thing is to take these sort of break big tasks into smaller steps, right? Famous saying, right, is how do you eat an elephant? And it's one bite at a time. And what we're trying to accomplish is that overwhelm, right, thrives in vagueness, and but clarity creates calm. So how can we take these big, daunting, unsurmountable sort of tasks that we feel like, dude, it's it, I don't know if I'm ever, you know, it's this death spiral. I there's no way that I can ever do this. Like it's gonna take so much time. I'm gonna need so many resources, I don't have any idea what I'm doing. Whoa. Okay. What's the first step that I can what what's the next right step that I can take? One step at a time, right? And lining those out creates calmness. So the fifth and last thing is is scheduling in white space into your day. And then even if it's 10 minutes to go for a walk, to journal, to meditate, or just sit in silence to reset your nervous system. You know, from the time that we get up in the morning, I personally like I'm up at 5 a.m. most days, I'm in the cold plunge, off to a workout. And from that time in the morning, you know, if I didn't write, you know, time into my day, if I didn't create white space in my calendar, I would just drive to the end of it where I basically collapsed into my bed at night. And so just like we have to be intentional about getting things done throughout the day, we schedule our doctors, right? We schedule different appointments. We have to be intentional about scheduling time for rest and recovery. Right. And again, kind of going back to that it's this this it's like a battery. And if I completely just deplete it all day long and I don't ever take a break, it's gonna run out of juice. And at some point, it's gonna run past capacity where it's not gonna be able to be charged again. So being intentional to make a to create time in your day to sit and be still and to uh reset your nervous system. And so as you can see, guys, that these aren't like fancy hacks, right? This isn't like turn around on your head, you know, press the green button three times, and then all your stress will be wiped away. That these are really tools for emotional regulation and self-respect. And so sometimes the the best stressed tool isn't avoiding it. It's it's actually reframing it in such a way because the same thing that we look at from a perspective of like, oh man, this is really overwhelming, it's insurmountable. How am I gonna be able to do it? If we actually like painted that with a different picture, then it wouldn't be so overwhelming, right? Stress often shows up in moments that we're stretching ourselves, when we're learning, when we're growing, we're expanding. And while, yeah, like I get it, while the discomfort isn't fun, it's often a sign that that we're in the the arena, right? We're we're doing the work. And so, you know, kind of like I said earlier, not all stress is is bad, that it's a signal that we're we're doing things, we're making progress, we're working out, right? If you think of stress to an extent as well, of like the result of working out, yeah, our muscles are sore. Yeah, because we're growth, we're we're making progress, we're doing things, we're in the fire, we're in the forge. And as a result of that, there's a level of stress that comes along with it. So in those moments, like taking an opportunity to ask ourselves, like, okay, there's this moment, there's this level of stress that I'm feeling. What is the opportunity in this pressure right now? Right? Because as we go back to it, stress is really a signal of something that's going on. And so, what is the opportunity in this pressure right now? What is this stress pointing me toward? Right? What is it showing me? What is it telling me? Right? And and what support do I need so that I don't carry this alone? Right. Uh a lot of times we all have this expectation that we've got to carry these sort of things on our shoulders alone. But you know, feeling it and acknowledging it is is something that we can say, like, hey, it's here. Could you take a part of this for me? Right? Could you help support me in this? That you don't have to be alone in it. And you know, I just want to say that reframing doesn't mean minimizing, right? Putting lipstick on a pig to make it something that it's not. Reframing means seeing stress as something to move through, not just as something to to get rid of. Right. And so if if if we're to get back to to balance, right, as a part of that, balance isn't something that you you find once. And and so kind of just like stress, right? In the sense of not getting rid of it. Balance isn't something that you just find once, and you're like, okay, I got balance, like, there we are, we're done, right? That you hold on to forever. It's really this rhythm that you return to. And at times I see it as like a pendulum oscillating between two different sides. And in the beginning, right, it's it's going from one extreme, you know, one side of the pendulum all the way to the other side of the pendulum. And there's a huge swing into it. But balance starts to get, right? And when you when you start to notice the oscillations, you know that, okay, I've I've been on this side of the swing, I've been on that side of the swing. And I know that next, the next thing that's going to happen is I'm going to swing back over to the other side. And eventually over time, there's not as much energy that goes into the swings, and those oscillations start to become smaller and smaller. So that creating that rhythm, right, like any rhythm, it starts with a check-in. And it starts with regularly asking yourself, like, what feels aligned for me right now? What feels out of sync? You know, we were talking about earlier about what feels, you know, what is fueling me, what is draining me. And being intentional about these sort of things, you know, whether it's journaling them, writing them down, but acknowledging them, noticing them, and and bringing light to them. Right. And so with noticing what feels aligned for you, with noticing what feels out of sync, what is one small adjustment that you can make? Right? Something that changes that ever so slightly that time, right? So as that pendulum is oscillating back and forth, what can I do to take a little bit of energy out of that off oscillation this time and keep doing that on either side of it so that eventually you find that that swing is minimal. All right. And so it might be like cutting back on some of your commitments. It might be going to bed 30 minutes earlier. It might be choosing rest over productivity just for just for one day a month, right? Scheduling in some time just for yourself. Right. And something that I like to say often is that these sort of things, you know, and stress is no different, that we've spent our entire lives creating or heading in a direction of creating this. And so it's not, these changes aren't going to happen overnight. You know, I say often for myself in different things that I'm 41 now. I've spent 41 years perfecting how to be stressed. Right. And so it changes in that aren't just going to happen overnight, but it is going to happen. It is going to gain momentum. And that momentum starts with making one small change. Right. And so the goal is to just start small, to be consistent, because we're not going for perfection here. We're you're building an awareness and a trust in yourself that you can you can make and you can implement and you can keep these promises to yourself. So here's the takeaway today, guys. Stress isn't your enemy. Stress is a signal. It's your body and mind saying, like, hey man, you know, hey, the, you know, we're, it's kind of like lights on a dash. We're running low on a oil here. That something's going on that you that needs your attention, that you need to take a look at. And and with that, balance isn't about controlling everything. It's about honoring what you need and giving yourself permission to live in alignment with that. You don't have to earn rest, right? You don't have to work your face to the, you know, your your work yourself to the bone sort of thing in order to be able to rest, to feel that it's okay to rest. You don't have to justify slowing down. You're allowed to be a strong man and a grounded one, a provider and someone who protects his peace. All right, it's not one or the other. It can be both. All right, man. Thanks for listening today. And if this episode helped you rethink your relationship with stress or remind you, you know, to remind you to check in with yourself, do something about it. Take one step today, not 10, just one. And if you want support, navigating the pressure, building sustainable habits, and living from a place of strength and balance, that's what I do. So reach out. Until next time, protect your peace, honor your limits, and keep evolving. Hey, before you go, this podcast is just the surface. The real work happens inside the Evolve Men Brotherhood. This is our private community of men committed to leading themselves boldly, building confidence, and sharpening one another in the fire. Registration officially opens December 1st, and we kick off our Brotherhood calls together beginning in January 2026. But you can get on the list today and be the first to claim your spot. If you're tired of going to life alone and you're ready for true accountability, support, and connection with men who get it, head to Evolvement Project.comslash Brotherhood. Don't just listen, step into the Brotherhood. I'll see you inside.