SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Men, before we dive in, I've got something big to share with you. The wait list for the Evolve Men Brotherhood is now open. This is the space where men stop doing the work alone. Inside the Brotherhood, you'll connect weekly with other men committed to growth, leadership, and living with purpose. You'll get access to live calls, courses, and the community that keeps you accountable when life gets hard. Registration opens soon. Join the wait list now at Evolvemen Project.com/slash brotherhood and be a part of the movement. So today today I want to kind of tell a story, right? And this takes me back to a number of years ago. I still and I still remember this moment that it hit me a few years ago, back before my divorce. And it was one of those nights that that didn't seem like it was really important at the time, or a conversation that didn't really seem important at the time. But my best friend and I were were sitting together after a long day, right? We'd been out climbing. I think actually we'd been out mountain biking that day. We kind of were just like sitting on the tailgate of the truck, you know, recovering after a long ride. And so this friend of mine at the time that, you know, we'd we'd climb mountains, we'd share dinners together with our families, like years of friendship that we had between us, right? Like there was a to any normal person, this would have been what you would have considered a really strong friendship, right? I mean, we knew each other's routines, we knew our favorite beers, right? We the gear that we trusted on the trail, like we had there was so much about each other that we knew, right? But but that was about the extent of it. And so that afternoon, as we finished up, I asked him something that that stopped both of us in the moment. Right. And and what I asked him with was this I asked him, what is what is passion, intimacy, and romance look like for you in your relationship? And I'll I'll never forget his face, right? Because he just kind of froze. And it wasn't out of judgment, but surprise, really, because in all of the years that we had been friends, we had never once talked about that kind of thing, right? I mean, we'd shared time together, we'd shared tents and food and and all kinds of other things, but we'd never really shared truth before. Like we'd never really shared life to that extent. And so, so at first, right, he kind of like stumbled us over his words and and laughed awkwardly, right? And said something about like, oh you know, I don't I don't know, man. Like, we don't really talk about that kind of stuff. And and at the time, like I just kind of I was like, ah, yeah, you know, you're right. And but deep down, I knew that something had shifted. And it was the first for me, it was really the first crack in the armor that I'd been wearing all of these years, right? The moment that I realized for for all the time that I'd spent surrounded by people that that nobody really knew me, that nobody knew what it was that I was struggling with, that what was going on in my life. And so later on, as my my marriage fell apart, right, I I realized I had that realization, right? And that realization got louder and louder because when I needed someone the most, right, when when everything inside me was unraveling and coming apart, and I didn't know who to call, right? I I sure I had guy friends, right? I had buddies and I had pals, right? That I could I could text them about climbing or workouts or any of that sort of stuff, but I didn't have anyone that I could say, like, shit, man, like I'm I'm scared, I'm ashamed, right? I don't I don't know who I am right now. I don't know what I'm doing. Like, I don't know if I'm making the right decision. I don't know if these are the right things. Like I didn't, I had never had those kind of conversations with anybody.

unknown: 4:42

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 4:42

And that kind of silence really, really starts to eat at you. Right? You begin, or at least for me, I really begin to wonder if maybe like that that's just who I was, that I was built that way. I was this like independent, private, you know, strong sort of guy. But the truth is that that I wasn't strong, right? I was alone and I was terrified to admit it. And so it wasn't until months later, really, until after the divorce, that something really changed for me. I, and at the time I had joined a remote men's group, right? An online men's group. And for the first time in my life, I I started to tell the truth, right? The and not just like kind of the truth, but like the whole ugly truth, right? About mistakes that I had made, about the shame that I carried, about the fear that had ruled my life for years. And instead of judgment, right, I was met with understanding, right, with with acceptance, right? And I remember looking around, right, in that in that circle and online and just kind of being there. And and these are men that I barely even knew to an extent, right? And feeling something that I hadn't felt in in years, or really just maybe ever, right? A sense of like relief and belonging, like a sense of of brotherhood, truly. Right. And so at that time, like I really realized what I'd been missing all along. And it wasn't it wasn't more friends, it was connection, it was the courage to actually be known, right? To know others and to let them see who it is that I am and to be known for myself. And so that that experience for me really opened up the eyes, my eyes, to something bigger. And it wasn't just about me or my friend, right? It was about how so many men live, right? We we walk through life side by side without ever really seeing each other, right? We've been we've been trained to connect through doing, through climbing mountains or building things, right? Trading stories about work or sports or whatever it might be, but rarely through being, through being honest, through being known, through being human. And the the cost of that disconnection is brutal, right? Men are lonelier now than ever before. Studies shown that we have fewer close friends than at any point in recorded history, right? And the the result isn't just a sense of like emotional isolation, isolation, it's physical. Loneliness carries the the same health risks as smoking like 15 cigarettes a day. So, but the but here's the thing is that it's not just about what we've lost, it's about what's possible when we start to actually rebuild and put those things together. Because brotherhood isn't about just friendship, it's medicine, it's accountability, it's a a mirror that shows you when you're when you're becoming, right? When you start to drift. It's the the space where men remind each other what strength actually looks like. And that's not in like not in perfection, but in in presence and the way that people are showing up. And that's what this conversation is really about, about how we as men can start building friendships that go deeper than just shared interest, right? And and instead of and instead becoming like become foundations for growth and truth and belonging. So here's what I've learned since the those experiences, you know, before my my divorce and whatnot, is that deep friendships, like real brotherhood, they don't just make life better. They they actually make life possible. Because when you have men in your life who truly see you, it changes everything. Right? You think differently, you lead differently. I mean, shit, you even like breathe differently. The whole nervous system gets a reset. Right. Positive psychology calls it the, what is it? I think it's the the broaden and build effect, right? When we when we feel connected and safe and supported, our minds literally open up, right? We become more creative, more optimistic, more resilient, right? And we start to believe in what's actually possible for us again. And that's the quiet power of brotherhood. It broadens your world, it builds your strength, and it reminds you that you don't have to carry everything alone. Because here's the catch that most of us, that most of us never learned how to actually get there, right? We've been told to be to be independent, to be stoic, to be capable, right? To keep things under control, to figure it out on our own. And while like while that mindset might get us through crisis, right, it it's it also keeps us at a distance or at arm's length from the very thing that we crave the most. And that's connection. Right. And we we we tell ourselves that we don't have time, the life is too busy, right, with kids and work and family and projects, but but busy often is just another word for afraid, right? Afraid of slowing down, slowing down long enough to notice what's actually missing. Right. We excuse me, we fear rejection, right? That if that if we show too much, that someone might actually step back. We we fear being judged, we fear being known. And sometimes we we even fear that the closeness will cost us the image that we've built, right? The one that says that I'm doing good, that I've got this, that I I don't need help. But beneath all of that, right, what's really happening is disconnection. And that's that's not just from others, but from ourselves, right? Be we become disassociated, excuse me, living above like our emotions, instead of just inside of them, right? We stop feeling and we start performing. We replace our authenticity with this like armor that we carry around. And every time that we we hide a truth, we just build another wall between us and the people who could actually love us for who we are. But here's what starts to change things, right? When a man begins to slow down, to start to get curious about what's really happening in life, he opens a door, right? And brotherhood begins with intentionality. It's about choosing connection on purpose. It's about sending that text to a friend, right? Just to check in, not because you need something, but just inviting someone to coffee, right? Not for networking or for a purpose like or an agenda or anything like that, but just like, but just for honesty, just to hang out, just to catch up, just to connect, just to care. Right. And then it deepens. Like once that connection has started, it deepens through vulnerability. That moment that you drop the mask and you say, like, man, you know what, I've been struggling, right? Or I don't, I don't know how to handle this right now. And every time that you do that, you send a signal, and that's not just to others, but to your own nervous system that it's it's safe and it's okay to actually be human, right? And safety is what builds trust, and that's what every man is craving beneath the surface, a place to exhale. Brotherhood also requires consistency, right? It's not it's not built through big dramatic moments, it's built through the the small regular check-ins, right? Uh a message here, a workout, or a shared meal, right? Every one of those moments becomes a thread. And over time, those threads weave a bond that becomes unbreakable, right? It's kind of an example. I I had a buddy of mine the other day that sent me a message and he was like, hey man, can we get together and like have coffee? You know, it was like a Monday or something like that. And like, yeah, dude, absolutely, let's get together. And we, you know, he came over, we had coffee, and come to find out, like, there was a whole other story behind the story of what was kind of going on for him and his life and and whatnot. But the the point in saying that is that it starts with a text, it starts with a conversation, right? And it's more and more of that consistency that eventually the the trust builds, right? And the bronze, the bond strengthens. But it starts with just somebody taking that initiative to to make an attempt at that connection. So then after that, right, let's start, we start adding in gratitude and presence, and then all of those sort of things together, we've got the full recipe for what it takes, right? To to let your friends know that you appreciate them, to pay attention when they talk, to put your phone down, to look them in the eye, making that making space for them to feel seen. And those those simple human sort of things, right? The ones that that sound almost too basic are the things that that keep a man from drifting into isolation. So when you when you build that kind of friendship, you're you're not just helping someone else, right? You're you're retraining your own nervous system to feel to feel safe in that space, right? You're you're proving to yourself that you can be both strong and supported, right? And and from that place you you lead differently, right? You father differently, you you show up in your your relationships with more patience, more empathy, more grounded and confident. Right. And that's what brotherhood does. It doesn't take away your strength, it multiplies it. So let me ask you something, man. Like, who actually, like, if we were to look around and we were to take an inventory of the people in your life that you have, who would you say actually knows you? Right? Knows you inside and out, knows your strengths and your weaknesses and your flaws, like what scares you, what you're proud of, any of those sort of things. And that's so that's that's not just who it is that you hang out with, right? Not not who you text about, you know, about work or the game, like, but who truly knows you, right? What's going on in your heart right now? When was the last time that you that you told someone the truth? Right? Not the not the filtered person, not the the I'm fine, but the actual the truth, like how you feel it in your core. Because most of us spend years surrounded by people, right? They're everywhere. They're they're they're all of that, that entire crowd, that community. But in the end of that, right, like we're still starving for connection. That so it's like it's like we have it there, but we're not, it's it's like not being able to absorb the or embody the the actual feeling of the connection, right? Because it's it's like there's it's like having sunscreen on, right? So yeah, sure, we're going out there, but we've got this layer, a thin layer of armor that you almost can't even see that's making it so that the sun can't get absorbed. So I want you to take a second and I want you to think about it, really, right? Who are the men in your life right now that you could call if everything fell apart tomorrow?

unknown: 18:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 18:17

And if that list feels shorter than you want it to be, that's not failure, that's awareness, and that's where it starts. I want you to ask yourself, what's one friendship in your life that feels surface level? And what might happen if you let it go a little bit deeper? Right? What would it look like to send that message, to check in, to say, like, hey man, I miss you. How are you really doing? Right? And here's another one to sit with. When when did you stop letting people in? Right? Do you think you could actually trace that moment back, right? The first time that you you decided to keep things to yourself because it felt safer. When was that? Like what sort of situation, what circumstances? When was that? I had to I had to recognize that connection isn't something that that you get from others, right? It's something that you you build by how you show up to other people. Right. So so maybe the question isn't who's showing up for me? Maybe it's who am I showing up for? And that's where the brotherhood begins, right? In these small acts of courage, not in these grand gestures, right? Not in like deep heart to hearts every week, but in in being the kind of man who leads with honesty, right? Who makes people feel safe for others to do the same. So here's the reframe that that really changed everything for me. For for years, I had told myself that I that I just wasn't great at staying in touch, right? That that friendships were supposed to fade and that people came and go and as life got busy, right? They got married, had kids, whatever it was. And that that other men probably had their own circles, their own support, like everybody's doing their own thing. Nobody needs it. All right, but that was a lie, right? A quiet, comfortable lie that kept me safe and alone. All right. And I used to think that I needed, I needed better friends. But what I actually needed was to become a better friend myself. Right. Brotherhood doesn't start when someone else reaches out. It starts when you do. When you when you send that message or you make that call, you extend that invitation, right? Even when it feels awkward or one-sided. Because men who lead themselves don't wait for connection. They create it. So if you've been walking through life feeling like you don't belong, right, if you've been waiting for someone to really see you, start by being the man who sees others, right? Reach out first, ask the deeper question, be the one who creates safety through honesty, right? And every time that you do, you're you're starting to rewrite your story. You're proving to yourself that you're not a man who hides behind the mask anymore, that you're a man who leads with truth, right? And the more that you live that way, the more that you'll attract who it is that you're doing that's doing the same sort of things, right? And that's the paradox of brotherhood, that you don't find it by searching for it. You you find it by becoming it and by embodying it. The man that you're you're becoming doesn't just avoid connection, he builds it, right? He doesn't wait to be chosen, he chooses it. And that's leadership, that's brotherhood. That's what it means to mean or to live evolved. All right, guys, if this conversation hits home, if if something in you is saying, like, yeah, man, dude, I've been I've been missing that connection, then I want to invite you into something real. It's called the Evolved Men Brotherhood. It's a space that I've built for men who are ready to stop doing life alone, men who want to grow alongside other men who tell the truth, who call each other higher, and actually walk the path together. And this isn't this isn't another like group chat or surface level hangout. This is where you can take off the armor, share what's real, and remember who you are when you're surrounded by brothers that are doing the same thing. So if that sounds like something that you've been looking for, go to Evolvemen Project.comslash brotherhood and join the wait list. You'll be the first to know when the door doors open. And whether whether you ever join us or not, right, I I want you to know this that you don't have to walk this road alone anymore. That brotherhood is built one honest conversation at a time. And that right there is the start. So as we wrap up today, guys, I just want to say thank you for being here, for listening, for being willing to do the kind of inner work that most men avoid. Every strong man that you admire, every grounded, confident, purpose-driven man that you look up to, he didn't get there alone. He had brothers. Men who stood beside him, right, when life got heavy, men who challenged him when he drifted, men who reminded him who it is that he was. And that's what I want for you. Not perfection, not endless self-improvement, just connection. The kind that brings you back home to yourself. So take a breath, all right? Think about one man in your life that you can reach out to this week. It doesn't have to be big or heavy, just start the conversation, and that's how brotherhood begins. You're not alone in this work, and you were never meant to be. I'm Corey Baum, and this is the Evolve Men Podcast. I'll see you next week. Hey, before you go, this podcast is just the surface. The real work happens inside the Evolved Men Brotherhood. This is our private community of men committed to leading themselves boldly, building confidence, and sharpening one another in the fire. Registration officially opens December 1st, and we kick off our Brotherhood calls together beginning in January 2026. But you can get on the list today and be the first to claim your spot. If you're tired of going to life alone and you're ready for true accountability, support, and connection with men who get it, head to Evolvemen Project.comslash Brotherhood. Don't just listen, step into the Brotherhood. I'll see you inside.